Blended Family Hope

The most powerful prayer....against your adversary....

2011-07-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

How do you love someone who has hurt you? A parent? A child? A brother or sister? A friend? An ex? What if they've completely stepped off the deep end and are doing everything God would hate. Could we still love them? Would God want us to? And...if we 'love' them, aren't we associating with the evil God would have us stay away from?

Sometimes, ...we can love someone who is riding on the wrong train, without boarding the train itself. We can wave at the train, pray and hope the one we try to love, gets off....without ever stepping foot on the train bound for 'bad news valley'. The most powerful prayer against your adversary might go like this: 'Dear Lord, I pray that you would soften the hearts of my enemy....that they might come to know YOU and see things with YOUR eyes. I pray too, that you would let me see them, through Your eyes. Help me to love, the way you would have me love...that my enemy would know the gates of Heaven are open for them....Put people around them Lord, that whisper Your promises.'

Matthew 5:43-48 NIV
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I've seen God do amazing things, when I've overridden my human desire to hate, and engaged God's mandate to love.

Romans 5:8 NIV
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Refuse to engage 'Stinkin Thinkin'--Love One Another

2011-02-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

(Michael W. Smith--Music Video)

Zig Ziglar, one of the greatest motivational speakers around, said this, "We all need a daily check up from the neck up to avoid stinkin 'thinkin' which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes."

If anything about Zig is greater than his motivational speaking, it would be his family. He, his wife 'the redhead', and their children, love each other in a way I've never seen before. Every single one of those kids (now adults) have a heart for each other and their neighbor like 'none other', as my daughter would say. They epitomize their father's saying, "You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want." As a result, it is just as motivational to watch and listen to them as it has been to listen to their father over the years.

Great seeds were planted in Zig's family, and the next generation is blooming. Zig, with the love of his Redhead behind him, has managed to plant good seeds... all over the world.

We all are planting seeds in our families, and in those around us. We are teaching our children how to plant seeds. We're also teaching them how to care for and plant seeds in their own children some day. The seeds we all plant WILL grow. The characteristics of the plants that bloom, will come to life again ...generation after generation.

Last year, when I planted my garden, I made the mistake of planting inferior seed. The result? I had to work harder and I harvested less. Two of my crops were so diseased they couldn't be canned. Needless to say, I'm paying attention to the quality of seed I'll be planting next year. Even with the best seed this year, I may have to work a little harder to work that disease I planted in, out of my soil. Fear not, I'm willing to love that silly soil back to life, no matter how much work it takes.

Plant good seeds in your family. Plant seeds of love. Love that silly soil back to brilliant awe inspiring life...for the next generation.

Seed your family garden with the thoughts you think, the words you speak, and the things you do. Love the Lord your God (the master Gardener) with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29 (NASB)

Tired of Doing What is Right?...Does it Seem Like Evil Wins?...

2011-02-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Psalm 119:121-128 I have done what is righteous and just; do not leave me to my oppressors. Ensure your servant's well-being; let not the arrogant oppress me. My eyes fail, looking for your salvation, looking for your righteous promise. Deal with your servant according to your love and teach me your decrees. I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes. It is time for you to act, O LORD; your law is being broken. Because I love your commands more than gold, more than pure gold, and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path.

Sometimes, we get weary...trying to do as God calls us to do, only to watch evil seemingly succeed.  Sometimes, for a moment in time, it doesn't seem like God weighs in. I promise...He always weighs in.

It was a great thing for an Eastern ruler in David's time, to say he'd both been righteous (following after God's will) and just. Some of the judges of his time didn't do their job at all. They simply didn't perform their duty...in favor of their pleasures. I wonder if they golfed? Some, sold their 'judgments' to the one who paid the most. Bribes, payoffs and political positioning often over rode justice. David gave, probably at cost to himself, justice through righteous judgment. Justice through the eyes of God's laws...for the eyes of God and the honor of God's precepts, not the eyes of man. Not for profit as the world sees it, but for honor as God gives it. You see, David understood that it wasn't for the eyes or opinions of man that we live, but for the eyes of God.

As I speak more and more to men and women in blended families, I hear many stories about the 'unjust' situations in their families; from the evil ex to attorneys not paying attention, to rulings based on false testimony.   This blog is for those of you who strive to respond well in a seemingly unjust situation.

Have you extended the olive branch over and over to your ex, only to find yourself back in court facing slanderous charges and false accusations? Have you given, only to be taken from again...the high bar just raised another notch, your time and relationship with your children sacrificed on the alter of someone else's pride, arrogance and need to compete?

Are you tired of the games? Are you weary of the fallout? Are you discouraged...growing faint as you wait for God to sweep in and make right what has been wronged? Well, you are not alone. We live in a fallen world. David felt the same. David was weary....his eyes growing faint as he faced injustice. Oppression makes even the wisest of us crazy, but remember, nothing gets by God. Not one thing. He doesn't miss anything... So don't become weary in doing what is right, in His eyes. Hold on...you have a mighty advocate! While it may seem evil is winning the day...remember, God is not done. When the eleventh hour approaches and it seems nothing has changed, God IS on the throne. Remember, what satan meant for evil...God can use for good. (Gen 50:20)   No matter what you see. No matter what evil is before you. No matter what injustice you face. God's precepts reign...eternally.

God's salvation will come, His righteous promises will be fulfilled. Trust in Him, and don't grow weary of doing good. You have the most powerful advocate in the world. He will keep you. Pray that God would deal with you according to His love...as you continue to hate every wrong path. Pray also for those who come against you. Pray that their hearts would soften. Pray that God would use the people around them to do a mighty and miraculous work.

So you say, "Rebecca...I'm not innocent either...I have done wrong, too. Will God still keep me?"

Ahhh...when you can confess that to God, then turn and love wholehearedly the One who gave you grace...God WILL keep you in his hands. He will lift you up on wings of eagles... He will restore your strength and give you peace. .

"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31

Hope for Broken Families....

2011-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

I like to think of myself as a positive person. I don't like to agonize over the effects of divorce on children. Why? Because I am a child of divorce, and as such...have lived through what those around me considered the 'mess'. I like to find the hope in my circumstances. I like to think that God can take a 'mess' and make it a message. Why? Because it is proven that a deficiency in hope is despair and leads to decay. I'm not fond of decay.

So, when I watch the video above, I think two things. One, the video is heartbreakingly true...and two....there is hope. We are not some sort of unwilling by-products of our past, unable to stand in our present. There is a way that all things can work toward good. There is hope for healing. There is reason for us to have a confident expectation of that which is desired. I desire the peace that surpasses understanding, a peace only God can give. I desire to walk with my eyes looking up. I don't desire to wallow in the mess,, with my eyes on my sorrows and losses. Above all, I never want to lose hope. Dr. Gary Collins, a Christian psychologist, said, "When people lose hope in their country, in their fellow human being, and in themselves, they begin to fall apart psychologically and sometimes spiritually."

God wants all of us to fulfill two purposes; to love God whole-heartedly, and to love people unconditionally. (Mark 12) I have discovered that when I do the above...when I'm on that road, hope in my circumstances is unlocked and revealed. Step by living step....by God Himself.

The alternative? Well, most people opt to bury their 'mess', and quite often after they've burried it, they erect magnificent tombstones to remember it by. Aye!

Don Hawkins wrote, "...One of satan's most effective tools in derailing us is simply to plant the seeds of quitting in our hearts and minds, then sit back and watch them grow until they bring our growth, fellowship, and service for Christ to a screeching halt."

Are you believing the lie? Are you giving up under the supposition that your life is a mess and there is no hope for you or your sweet children. It is a lie. Don't buy into it....God is not in the business of scrapping people, He's in the business of lifting them up, renewing them, and redeeming them. Hop on board His train and love Him with all your heart and soul. Then, watch and be amazed.....

©2011 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Wanna Love Better?, Start With the One You Hate...Wisdom for Blended Families from the Mouths of Babes

2011-01-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

Love is often not easy, though it is something most of us hope to get really good at. Some of us have a difficult time not hardening our hearts to love, the older we get. The problem is...when you harden your hearts toward each other, you not only keep others from getting in, you keep God from getting in. Six year old Nikka figures that if she needed to get better at love, she'd practice on something really hard. Here's another 'what is love?' answer...through the eyes of little Nikka.

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6

Jesus said: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful,just as your Father is merciful.
Luke 6:32-36

Jesus also said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven." Matt 18:3

The greatest love of all...is the merciful love of our Father in Heaven. Practice loving someone hard to love. Lead with mercy..."because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" James 2:13

Lord: Help us to dump our baggage and love hard. Remind us how we used to be.

Is Their Name 'Safe' on your lips? Wisdom for Blended Families from the Mouths of Babes...

2011-01-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

I received an email from a cousin of ours today. It was titled, "What Love Means to a 4-8 Year Old." I just loved it, as we all know that special wisdom comes through the mouths of babes. At any rate, I just couldn't resist blogging about Billy. He said in just one sentence what many of us struggle to understand. Look at what love meant to four year old Billy:

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

It's hard to imagine that we communicate so much by just saying a name. Jesus understood clearly what Billy meant. Jesus said, " For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matt 12:34b NIV)

Consider all the relationships in your family... Are you a Mom?, Stepmom?, Dad?, Stepdad? Grandparent? Step Grandparent? Aunt/Uncle? Step Aunt/Uncle....

Kids see and feel all sorts of things we never actually say. Is their name 'safe' in your mouth? Do you say the names of those around you the way God says them?

Dear Lord: I pray that the names of those You have put in our lives would be 'safe' in our mouths, through the power of Your Name, Amen

The Power of Friendship....Keep Watch With Me.....

2011-01-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

Picture from the movie 'The Passion of the Christ'

Wednesday January 12, 2011, Representative Gabrielle Giffords opened her eyes for her friends and husband. She had been shot in the head just four days earlier and pronounced dead by some in the media. Who would have thought she could have survived? When friends visited her that Wednesday evening, Gabby was inspired. Their visit encouraged her to try to open her eyes. Her husband did the rest.  When she did, her neurosurgeon remarked, "We clearly witnessed the power of friendship here." Later, when pressed about the odds of Gabby being able to do what she was doing so soon after a bullet had traveled through her brain, her surgeon Dr. Michael Lemole Jr. said, "Miracles happen everyday, and in medicine we like to attribute them to what we do or what others do around us. A lot of medicine is outside our control. We are wise to acknowledge miracles."

I know one thing...many people across the nation have been praying for Gabby, not just me.....Many of us have been keeping up with the latest news....keeping watch with her.

Have you ever faced something that had your life spinning out of control? Something that just left you 'undone'?   Something that left you without answers? Something you were certain didn't stand a chance of coming out well?

I remember a time when I was quite undone by a post divorce, blended family trial in my life, though I hadn't been hit by anything so terrible as a bullet throught the head. Still, to be perfectly honest...in the situation I'm speaking about, I felt like there was no way of avoiding destruction. There didn't seem to be a good path through it, which would produce a decent landing. I felt the pressure and wondered how I might possibly stand up under it. Thankfully, a very sweet friend of mine (sweet but quite the tiger) had made an offer. during one of our lengthy girl talks prior to that, "Rebecca...we need to pray for each other. We need to pray hard. Anytime you feel like you want to pray like that...you call me. I'll get in my car and will be at your door...no matter what time of day or night it is." When she offered that help, I didn't think I would really need it. I couldn't see myself feeling so low that I would have to wake her up in the middle of the night. Still, I chuckled and thanked her. Perhaps like you, I've always considered myself a strong and level headed person who could think things through and navigate life logically. I have always been one to think, "Okay...let's be real here...what is REALLY going on."...then take corrective action.

Not a whole lot of time passed before I found myself dialing that friend's phone number in desperation, and yes...it was at some obnoxious hour of the night.   True to her word....my dear friend was on my doorstep in minutes.  She showed up with her husband. To make a long story short, collectively all four of us (Dan and I...she and her husband) stormed heaven for a particular trial we were walking through. Ironically, our friends were also in the midst of their own storms, so we prayed for each other. While the waves of a huge storm were washing over our families, friends joined hands in prayer....effectively (and miraculously I thought) forcing the waves back and averting the oncoming shipwreck. Life around us changed after those prayers. The affects of our collective prayers were immediate. It was as simple as that.

Both my friend and I had walked many roads together. We were in a small group Bible Study together, and both of us were struggling with blended family trials. We both had an understanding for what the other was going through. I was her wingwoman, she was mine.

I had forgotten about that crazy night until I read a piece of scripture this morning. Jesus, right before his crucifiction...went to a place called Gethsemane. Gethsemene means 'oil press,' and indicates a garden area among the olive groves on the Mount of Olives where oil was prepared. I don't know how much you know about the ancient process of squeezing oil out of an olive...but suffice to say it involved serious pressure and squeezing forces from all sides. The olives were crushed under pressure or 'pressed upon'.   Sound familiar? 'Pressed upon' would perhaps be a good way of describing Jesus' state at the time He was there. He was about to bear the weight of all human sin. He knew what was ahead, and He asked his friends to 'keep watch' with Him.

Ancient Olive Press- The juice from the fruit of an olive is brownish/red.

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. Matt. 26:36-46 NIV

I've heard this story several times, but never considered before the power of a friend 'keeping watch with me', had. I never related Jesus' request that His friends keep watch with him to the fellowship I shared with my good friends. My thoughts, this morning when reading that scripture, flew immediately to the night my friend and her husband 'kept watch with us.'.... I thought again, about the POWER of our prayers. I thought about Representative Giffords friends, keeping watch with her. I began to look carefully at the scripture passage and was amazed to see why Jesus asked his friends to 'keep watch' with him when his own soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Has your soul ever felt deep sorrow like that? Have you ever been paralyzed in your fear for your children, your family, your lives, or the next court date? The power of friendship is indeed a wonderful thing, but I can't help but believe that when you combine the power of friendship with the power of prayer...the strength and power of Heaven join in... Oh what the disciples could have witnessed had they been available to Jesus, had they been able to stay awake and keep watch...joining their prayers with His. Unfortunately they fell asleep....which is what we all tend to do with our friends.

"Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matt 26:41

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

Sometimes when we are squeezed and pressed upon by the events around us, we isolate ourselves and try to muscle through trials on our own. If Jesus needed His friends to pray with him and watch with Him, why shouldn't we? Go find or make a really good friend....one that you can call on in the middle of the night. One you can call upon God with. But more than that...BE a friend willing to keep watch over your brother or sister. While it may not be convenient and may take you away from your beauty rest...the visual of God's hand at work...is worth any discomfort you may endure at the moment. My guess is that you might very well witness a miracle.

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matt. 18:19-20

A New Year...A New Day...

2011-01-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever stopped to consider all the people God has put in your life? I've been doing that a lot lately. Reviewing life, that is. Questioning all I believed to be true, right, just and good...and all those God has placed in my life with those qualities. I've considered this week, the people I've admired and the people I haven't. Sometimes I've found myself admiring and not admiring...all in one person. Most often, that's when I look at myself.

I remember my step mother counseling me when I was young. She said, "Becky...I know we are all different. I understand that when you go from one house to another, life changes for you. But here is the good in that. When you are an adult, you will be able to take all that has been good from both sides and use it. You will be able to take all that is not good, and throw it away. You will be able to decide how YOU want to be. Take our good, and dump our bad." Somehow, I really liked to hear that. It put rhyme and reason to my confusion. It made deciding who and what I wanted to be like, a relatively simple thing. I could choose who and what I wanted to be.

This morning, as I was reading from Oswald Chamber's devotional, he mentioned something which caught my eye. He said, "Be careful what you do with the best that you have been given!"...or something to that effect. He went on to talk about the good things God gives us...the blessings. He encouraged us to give our blessings back, to someone else...when God gives them to us.

I have a whole pile of junk in my basement I've been intending to sort through and organize. The longer I let it rest down there...the messier it gets. The longer I let it sit...the more likely it is to begin to age and rot. My basement hoarding is serving no one...but oh the great things that are down there. Our lives are often like my basement. We've been given so much, but we store it up in our minds and hold it to ourselves, serving no one. From God....I have been blessed everytime I've turned around, though sometimes I've been so mired in 'stinkin' thinkin' that I haven't taken the time to look. It's a human thing....like moaning all year over a basement full of treasure..."I've GOT TO CLEAN THAT."

Four parents? Four times the opportunity to glean good. When my parents weren't there for me, I had wonderful people surrounding me, giving me even more opportunity to see God's hand at work in my life. My life wasn't dependant on my circumstances, but on the blessed hand of God. Somehow I have to be deliberate about refusing to park those blessings in my basement. Worship-Work-Living-Loving-Blessings-Sharing are all simultaneous events on our spinning planet. Don't park one, waiting for another to happen.

Hey! You owe me! The Alphabet of Divine Love~Samech ס

2010-11-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Often in blended families we search for our rights! A child's right to love both parents. A step father's right to lay down the law in his own home. A Mom's right to protect her children. A step child's right to be loved equally. The kids' right to have their own schedule. The parents' right to.... Human beings expect to get what they think is due them. God approaches life differently...

Psalm 119:113-120

I hate double-minded men, but I love your law. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Away from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commands of my God! Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees. You reject all who stray from your decrees, for their deceitfulness is in vain. All the wicked of the earth you discard like dross; therefore I love your statutes. My flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws.

One of the greatest surprises I've had, as God has led me through His Word... is the realization that God is often not what man has made Him to be.  How would I have known that if I hadn't begun to read and study the word of God, asking God to give me eyes that see and ears that hear? I just love what He has shown me about Himself. Do I have it down perfect? Probably not. I still re-read books of the Bible and see things I am certain God JUST put in there.

It seems that man's interpretation of God's word has sometimes developed twists and turns where God never intended them to be.  People tend to view God the way they view the things of the world, they see what they want to see. God tells us He is not like the world.

For example; daily we operate off of a measurable system of 'works' and then weigh ourselves according to that system   We make lists, deal with things at work, clean house, etc. We do it every day, then collect our paycheck... or... what we think we deserve.   Then we lay that human plan of action over God's plan for our lives, developing this really obedient system of works based belief. If we do this, then God will give me that.   In doing so, as Philip Yancey once said, "We risk missing the story's point: that God dispenses gifts, not wages. None of us gets paid according to merit, for none of us comes close to satisfying God's requirements for a perfect life. If paid on the basis of fairness, we would all end up in hell." How would we know this if we didn't allow God to be our teacher? The Gift of God is Grace. Unmerrited favor through His Son's death and resurrection. His sacrifice for our sins. It is God's plan. It's what the Bible is all about, but to a world that believes the following, Grace is simply unfair and hard to swallow...so we reshape God to fit our worldly paradigm:

Demand your rights.

No pain, no gain.

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

The early bird gets the worm.

Get what you pay for.

If your husband/wife really loved you...he/she would do this and this and this...for you!

Jesus' parables continuously turned man's formulas for success upside down, as He challenged the teachers of the law then taught them who God really was and what God was really concerned about. It was one of the reasons He was so hated by the leaders of the church. They'd developed well over 600 laws, and many definitions in terms of how those laws were to be followed. They'd often gotten so far off the track that they missed God's point entirely.

There is only one way to learn truth. That is under the tutelage of the Great Teacher Himself, God. Keep it simple....read His message to you and learn. Pray that God would give you understanding. Fear going against God's Word, because He IS your refuge and your shield. He keeps you away from evil. He gives you understanding as to how He expects you to live and love, He sustains you with promises, He rejects deceit, discards the wicked, and opens the narrow gate for His loved one's to enter. Let HIM tell you about it all. Listen to your Pastors and teachers...but hold them ALL up to God's Word yourself, so that you might discern and live truth as God sees it, and not be hooked into the ways of the world.

Does God's word have anything to offer Blended Families? Let's consider just one small lesson from God's playbook. What would happen if you loved those around you (your family) even when your love hadn't been earned? What would that look like? How about doing it because that's how God has loved you? Give it a try. But that's just one 'tip' from God's book. The rest of His precepts are just as loaded. Just as applicable for your family.

Step kids, love your stepfather the way God loves you.
Stepfather, love your stepchildren the way God loves you.
Mom love your step children the way God loves you.
Step Children love your step mom the way God loves you.
Step Children love your step mother the way God loves you.
Dad, love your ex the way God loves you.
Mom, love your ex the way God loves you.
Kids, love your stepbrothers and sisters the way God loves you.

God's Word will teach you how...

Matt 23:8-10

"But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ.

'Blank Checks' from Heaven...The Alphabet of Divine Love~Nun נ

2010-11-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

“The future is as bright as the promises of God. God's Word, with its promises, are "blank checks" for the people of God to present any time they like at the "bank of Heaven." Author Unknown

Really? Could God’s word really be full of ‘blank checks’ from God? Is His word full of that kind of hope? Is His word full of an awesome hope for our future even when by our own hand or the hand of others we have suffered much? Is His word not ‘dashed’ hope but truly a promising hope? Even if we’ve stumbled? Even if we’ve failed? David…a man after God’s own heart, the man who penned the Psalm we’ve been walking through…gives testimony to it, over and over. You can remember some of his testimony by reviewing previous words written in our earlier study, or by reading about the life of David.

Nun

105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. 106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. 107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word. 108 Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws. 109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law. 110 The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts. 111 Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. 112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.

God’s word was a light for David as he walked through life. It showed David where he was, who he was and whose he was. It helped David discover himself, to see himself as God saw him. It showed David what would be dangerous to him. It showed him where to go and where not to go, as a map would. God’s commandment is like a never ending light…kept burning with a never ending supply of oil. Oil in the Bible is used as a sign of gladness (Psalms 92:10; Isaiah 61:3), it’s omission was a token of sorrow (2 Samuel 14:2; Matt 6:17). It was one of the most valuable products in the Old Testament and often used as an article of commerce. Could the word of God be your blank check as you cash in on God’s promises? Only if you read it, study it, and take the oath and confirm it…following God. Doing so doesn’t trap you in to some legalistic 1,2,3…but rather opens the treasure of Heaven itself. It gives you access to an overflowing treasure…a fountain of living water. David prays that God would teach him His laws. God’s word became the joy of his heart. Do we wonder why?

2 Cor. 4:6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Do you think, that because you have divorced and remarried that you should no longer have access to God or His love? To whom did Jesus speak of living water? Water that if this person asked for it…would make her never thirst again (a never ending supply)? Ironically it was to the woman at the well. The woman who’d had-- how many husbands?

John 4:14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." 15 The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." 16 He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." 17 "I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

You might say, “Rebecca…she couldn’t cash in on a Blank Check from God…she was a sinner!” I will answer you this way…not only did she believe in Jesus and what He said, but look further into her story and see the result of Jesus’ word in her life.

Many Samaritans Believe

John 4:39 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me everything I ever did."

As the word of God showed David where he was, who he was and whose he was…to see himself as God saw him, it did the same for the woman at the well. After listening to His word, she rushed back to tell others about Him, happily blabbing all the while that Jesus knew EVERYTHING about her. We want to shake her and say, 'Come on lady...get a grip! Don't TELL everyone that Jesus knew you had FIVE HUSBANDS!' But you have to remember, she had an up close and personal look at the gate to God's storehouse. Want a glimpse? God’s word shows us the oil that lights our lamps protecting us from life’s dangers, it satisfies our thirst and gives us living water to drink. It gives us a look at God’s storehouse…and an understanding that His storehouse has never ending supply…sustaining us like blank checks of hope when we take God’s testimonies as our heritage forever, turning our eyes and hearts to carry out His ways, always. Unto the end...

But Rebecca…you don’t understand how MUCH I owe. You don’t understand the debt I have to God. I can’t write a check on God when I’m so much in debt. Well, there are some who say I shouldn't be sharing God's word. I shouldn't be teaching what God has taught me...I am a divorced woman. I am a sinner. They cover my flyers if I put them on the church tables. To which I say, call me a sinner...not a great woman of God or teacher. Call me the biggest sinner. If I am in any way like the woman in the story below, or the woman at the well...it will be an honor. Our debt is huge. When that debt is forgiven with a blank check...I can't begin to tell you what capacity that gives us to love. Jesus addressed that, too. Look at the lesson He teaches regarding the sinful woman, and the value of her love toward Him. Her debt. Our debt. The payment of that debt. The love in those whose debts have been paid in full:

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

7:37-39Ref -- Mt 26:6-13; Mk 14:3-9; Jn 12:1-8 7:41,42Ref -- Mt 18:23-34

36 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38 and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. 39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is--that she is a sinner." 40 Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said. 41 "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?" 43 Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled." "You have judged correctly," Jesus said. 44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." 48 Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." 49 The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?" 50 Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

You could have access to the bank that can pay your debts in full, from the storehouse and treasure of Heaven. Did you know that? Write me, and I will gladly share with you a hug from heaven. Perhaps you haven't been told this, but God is generous with his hugs when you put your head on His shoulder.

rebecca@thebondedfamily.com

http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Treat it like a business? I want to hit back!...The Alphabet of Divine Love~Mem מ

2010-11-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve often thought, when listening to the hearts of those who’ve walked the path of divorce and remarriage, about the affects of the enemy’s repeated attacks. If an animal were hit on the road, and lay there bruised and battered. Then later, the same evil man who hit it the first time came back to it to taunt it even more, kick it a little more…that animal wouldn’t feel like responding in love. Indeed, the animal might…out of instinct…snap and bite at the one repeatedly coming against him. It is a natural protective instinct which would have the animal fighting for its life. After all, biting back might keep it from further harm. Of course it might also hasten the death blow.

To me, it is not a natural response to attempt to extend grace to those who have hurt you. Ironically, most divorce counselors or mediators suggest that when we can’t quite meet that high bar of grace, forgiveness, and love…we should default to another position. That is: Treat your relationship with the ex as a business relationship. That advice has always seemed odd to me. After all… who wants to do business with someone they can’t trust? How does that REALLY work? Still, the suggestion we do so doesn’t seem to be questioned. It’s handed out as pat advice for countless blended families as they deal with the hits of their ex in a high conflict post divorce situation.

I have worked in the secular business world for years. On a daily basis, I do business with people throughout the world. I work with differing countries, each with different business cultures. Ironically, the one thing I look for consistently, no matter what culture I’m dealing with is this...integrity. Doing business with a person of high integrity saves me countless headaches and immeasurable time. A couple of years ago I bought a book titled, “Trust…Do Business with People You Can Trust’. In it, is the story of Warren Buffet’s post September 11th quarterly shareholder letter published after the 9-11 attacks. Here, Buffet lays out three rules for running a successful insurance business. The first couple of rules involved the careful analysis and pricing of insured risks. His third rule was surprising; it recommended that investors try to avoid moral risk by doing business with good people. Buffet was quoted as saying, “No matter what the rate, you can’t write good contracts with bad people. While most policyholders and clients are honorable and ethical, doing business with the few exceptions is usually expensive.” Buffet also says this, “Doing business with people who cause your stomach to churn is like marrying for money: it’s a bad idea and it’s particularly crazy if you’re already rich.”

Okay, there you have it…the wisdom of the world. Doing business with people you don’t trust…stinks and may not be so profitable. So, what are we left with? How does one position themselves to survive and relate with someone with a penchant for ‘bad acts’, for the sake of their kids? We want more than survival. We want to come out standing…solidly. What sort of wisdom could possibly help us?

I hit on a secret…years ago, when navigating the business of life. The secret is God. He's a fantastic business manager. Only He can navigate the obstacles in this world efficiently in a way that enables us to profit. I wasn’t the only one who discovered this. David did too. In the verses for today (Psalm 119:97-104) David talks specifically about how God’s word made him wiser than his enemies for the business of his life. God’s word furnished him for every good in his work. It helped him manage well. David says, “By the words of thy lips I have kept myself from the paths of the destroyer”, Ps 17:4.2. Constant attention to the ways of God in difficult times will be good evidence of our integrity. Good integrity will serve you to the end. Bad integrity is bad business…and only unfolds as short term gain. David said that God’s word helped him keep a good head, to discern between truth and falsehood, good and evil…so he wouldn’t mistake either as he went through life. The way of evil is a false way…it lies and will ruin, all that walk in it …eventually. It is the wrong way, but it seems right to many. (Prov. 14:12) Every false way leads to destruction, just as every poor business decision…in time. So, you want to know how to operate this situation like a business? Make your business God’s business…using His business strategies. Integrity and truth…always bring the finest things to the top….eventually. It’s not about what you think of your ex, or how you should relate to your ex. It’s about what you think of God, and how well you relate with His word. Grace, forgiveness and love are not natural responses in a bad situation...you need the supernatural to employ and manage it.

Psalm 119: 97-104

Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts. I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Off the Deep End, I Am Yours...The Alphabet of Divine Love~Lamed ל

2010-10-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

David...

Boy who conquered Goliath...
Man who's eyes were on God...
Man who cherished the Word of God,
Shepherd,
Poet,
Ancestor of Jesus...
Man who would become King...
Man who would fall short of God's law and commit adultery...
Man who would be a betrayer,
Liar,
Murderer, ....
Man who would again turn back to God in remorse....
Man with an unchangeable belief in the faithful and forgiving nature of God...
Man who lived with great zest.
Man who sinned many times, but not repeatedly.
Man who learned from his mistakes.
Man who was quick to ask forgiveness for his sins.
Man who experienced the consequences of his sins.
Man who experienced the joy of forgiveness.
Man who never took God's word or His blessings for granted.
Man who held so hard to God's Word that he would jump cleanly off the deep end and say, "I am yours."

How would God see him? God referred to David as 'A man after my own heart.' (Acts 13:22)

Psalm 119:94 Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts.

How would he be remembered?

Greatest King of Israel---Ancestor of Jesus Christ---Listed in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11--

A man after God's own heart!

"O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of your servnt, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever." (2 Sam. 7:28, 29)

God's Salvation and Consolation & Parental Alienation- The Alphabet of Divine Love Kaph~כ

2010-10-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

God's Word is a Life Preserver for Blended Families

There are few things more destructive to broken families than Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation takes a tremendous toll on families. It is a difficult situation to weather with hope. Parental Alienation taps into our greatest fears. Fears that we won't ever have good and true relationship with our children, or that truth will never surface. Those who face this storm feel as though it seems to never end.  Parents can feel hopeless and helpless in it. It discourages, damages, and wreaks havoc mentally to both the children and the targeted parent. If you are a targeted parent, Parental Alienation might just have you begging for help from Heaven.

What is Parental Alienation? Parental Alienation is one parent's constant campaign to consciously destroy the children's relationship with the other parent.

What does it look like? It's profile is very similar to that of a cult. The tactics used by parents employing it, are very similar to those that a cult leader would employ. Here are some of the strategies employed.

Dr. Douglas Darnall, Ph.D lists these symptoms in his article 'Symptoms of Parental Alienation' :

1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry.

2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.

9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.

10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.

12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.

14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.

17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.

19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.

While David, in this next segment of Psalm 119, wasn't fighting Parental Alienation, his adversary was coming at him and had been coming at him for a long time...guns loaded, or in this case swords I guess. The King, jealous of David and God's love for David, tried to alienate the affections of his people toward him. HE wanted to be KING, and he didn't want David usurping his throne.

It is also said that those who engage in Parental Alienation often have a narcissistic personality disorder. They have such a need to be bigger than life, the 'best' and 'biggest'....that they will do anything to hold onto their mantle.

Saul was a bit of a narcissist as well...always concerned that his image before 'people' was immense. Unfortunately for Saul...and for many who have this disorder, the 'image' and the 'reality' are often two drastically different things. A narcissist will do anything to protect the 'image', and woe to the person who sheds any light on his/her reality. You can study David and Saul by taking a close look at 1 Samuel:

David was God's kind of king. ~ Saul was Man's kind of king.
David was a man after God's heart ~ Saul was a man after people's praise.
David's kingship was eternal (through Jesus) ~ Saul's kingship was rejected.
David was kind and benevolent ~ Saul was cruel.
David was forgiving ~ Saul was unforgiving.
David repented ~ When confronted, Saul lied.
David was courageous. ~ Saul was fearful.
David was at peace with God ~ Saul was separated from God.

Saul slandered David, lied about him, chased him, hunted him, campaigned against him and desired that he'd be wiped from the face of the earth.   David had suffered many afflictions at the hands of his enemy, King Saul. He suffered for so long that he cried out to God. He was literally desperate for God to help. The attack was even getting to him physically "Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke." (wineskin (leathery) in the smoke is blackened, and dry...shriveled up and unworthy of use again...aged, cracking and unable to hold wine anymore)

Psalm 119:81-88 My soul faints with longing for your salvation,but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes fail, looking for your promise, I say, "When will you comfort me?" Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke, I do not forget your decrees. How long must your servant wait? When will you punish my persecutors? The arrogant dig pitfalls for me, contrary to your law. All your commands are trustworthy; help me, for men persecute me without cause. They almost wiped me from the earth, but I have not forsaken your precepts. Preserve my life according to your love, and I will obey the statutes of your mouth.

The salvation and consolation of God's people are secured by God's Word, in due time...or in God's time. Sometimes, we wish that time were NOW...but God calls us to wait.   God has not forgotten you or your family. We wonder in our wait...how long it will be before God will step in and help. I have noticed one thing, when reading Biblical stories...either in the New Testament or Old...that is this. While God sometimes allows his people to suffer at the hands of another for awhile, He always in the end, defeats those who would go against those He loves or those who are looking to Him. God says, vengeance is mine to carry out...not yours. Notice that David never prays for the power to avenge himself (he had no malice toward the King)...but left it to God to take care of it.

Romans 12:19 says, Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.'

Sometimes, God gives our enemies a long line...a period of time when they feel secure in their victories. Fear not. Nobody can cross the commands of God and not suffer the consequences for it. Your duty...is to do as David did, cry out to God...keep your eyes on Him...Keep your eyes on His precepts, and leave it in God's hands. That is not to say that you should become a passive doormat. Indeed, if you study parental alienation, there are things you could and should do. But! Don't forget God is more efficient than you will ever be...so do as David did and pray! That is your mightiest weapon against this evil.

Whatever your challenges are in your blended family. Whatever brings you to your knees. Remember...God's Word secures consolation and salvation...in time. He can accomplish what man cannot.

Email:
rebecca@thebondedfamily.com

Visit:
http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Training for a Blended Family - The Alphabet of Divine Love~Yodh י

2010-10-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

Every day they train to follow their dream...

To follow their passion...

Have you ever done something you knew you weren’t equipped for, trained for, or in shape to do? Have you ever jumped into something and said, “Sure, I’ll do that.” Knowing you didn't have a clue? I have, and at the risk of really embarrassing myself, here goes my story.

When I was a young girl, I spent hours a day at an ice rink. I did it for several years. I’d wake up around four or so in the morning, pack for the rink and school, ride my bike to an ice rink, three miles away from our house, and practice for at least two hours (one hour of figures (which they no longer do) and one hour of freestyle (skating as you know it)). Then, I’d hop back on my bike and ride to school. Sometimes, I would skate after school…depending on the schedule. I had skates that had been literally molded to conform to my feet (the best--customized), and after my first competition was taken on by the best Olympic Pro (instructor). I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but being asked to skate for Carlo Fassi was a big thing. His students included World and Olympic Champions Peggy Fleming, Dorothy Hamill, John Curry, Robin Cousins, and Jill Trenary. He was quite demanding and a tough trainer. I was a nerdy little kid who didn't talk much but worked with dogged determination, pushing myself as hard as I could push. I remember challenging myself…no matter how many times I crashed and burned or how many times I’d miss a jump and flew into a wall. My leg muscles were so strong that later in life (teenage and college years) I could still sometimes lift the entire rack of weights in most gyms when I worked out. At eleven years old…I was trained and built to skate. Here comes the embarrassing part.

We moved to Hawaii not long after I’d begun to work with Carlo and his wife. It was an upsetting move for me. Imagine that…crying because you had to move to Hawaii? I know...no sympathy there. The problem for me was this. There were NO ice rinks in Hawaii. My skates were sold before I even knew we were moving, so the news for me was sudden. For several years, I wouldn't even watch ice skating on TV.

Time would pass and I would become an adult before I read in the newspaper that a new ice rink was being built in Hawaii. I was way too old to get back in that game, but was excited none the less. I was one of the first to sign up for any job they needed me for. While the rink was being built, I answered phones. I helped order supplies. When the ice was first put down…I watched the layers build with excitement. I was there with a brand new pair of custom skates to try it out. I remember stepping out onto the ice again, for the first time in years...worried that I'd break my neck. I was surprised that I remembered how, sort of. Hawaii had a rink, but they didn't have many ice skaters who could teach. So, they offered me a job, and I took it.

While I was once very good for my age, I was far from being the kind of good I needed to be able to teach. I was far from being at the levels that most ice skating professionals get to when they begin instructing. Still…it was all relative. Nobody in Hawaii could skate, so I was adequate. I could teach. I could teach little kids, big kids, adults, precision teams… to a point.

THEN came the big guns. Eventually, the rink drew real talent. There was a guy who began to teach who’d recently been a world competitor in ice dance. He wore a ponytail, was a bit unconventional, and taught dance lessons and pairs skating. One day he called to me from across the rink. “Becky…would you come here? I’d like to demonstrate something.” Now…keep in mind…when I really skated well I had been a lot shorter. Any fall I took wasn’t that far from the ground. I was also in very good shape. Those leg muscles could handle anything. I had NONE of that going for me when this guy yelled across the rink, and I knew it. Still…I braved it out, held my head high, and yelled back, “SURE!”

I skated over to him getting more and more nervous the closer I got. I wondered what I was doing and what the heck I could demonstrate? When I got to him, he asked that the rink be cleared, took hold of me and proceeded to skate, instructing me as we went as to what edges to take. We started slow and gradually built up speed...then more speed. The man was strong, powerful and FAST. I had NEVER skated that hard or fast in my life. I had never felt that strength or power on the ice. I was so far out of my league that I think I saw my life flash before my eyes. I felt like I was literally hydroplaning . I wasn’t worried about hitting a wall...I was worried about being propelled through the rink’s windows, while inventing new expletives in my mind. THEN…. I began to wonder how I was going to stop. I was hoping with all hope that my legs were powerful enough to execute the quick and strong blade and hip switch for the stop I knew I was going to have to make. I was completely un-trained for the task. Thankfully….I stopped and lived to tell about the experience. The class had no idea how clueless and petrified I really was. Well, maybe they did.

How many of us think we can get through this life without ongoing training? How many blended families like ours are completely untrained for the task of tackling blended family dynamics when we marry? How do we equip ourselves for the task of doing it? We step into it saying, “SURE!”…and have no idea what lies ahead of us. We don’t know what we don’t know. How much easier would our lives be, if we were to be adequately trained for the task?

God is the author of your being. He created you. He is the author of truth. He molded you. He created man to live on this planet, and He knows how He put you together and what you will need to survive. He also created all the members of your family. He knows them inside out. He knows their fears, their hurts, their heartaches, what makes them smile, what makes them tick, even how many hairs are on their heads. He didn’t intend that we’d try living on this planet without adequate training and instruction, through Him. He didn’t intend that we’d try to go mach 3 without help in doing it. He’s the only one who can teach us what we need to know to live well and relate well with each other in our families. He is our teacher, and like an athlete, the more we submit ourselves to continuous training, the better equipped we will be.

John 14:26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

John 6:43-45 "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the prophets: ‘They will be taught by God.’ Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from Him comes to me.”

All we have to do is be willing to take God's instruction continuously. A little bit of training way back when, didn’t equip me to face the full power and training of a pro. God wants us to continue in our training, not just remember Sunday School lessons we learned as a child. Like an athlete, you have to go after your training with deliberate passion...hang out with those who are learning and have learned, and be willing to be trained by the best, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

Learn at the hand of God….and you won’t be put to shame. David wanted so much to live and do right. Right according to God’s training. He wanted to meditate on God’s words so much that his heart and life would be blameless, that he wouldn’t be put to shame.

Every day David trained to follow his dream...
To follow his passion...
Psalm 119:73-80 Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight. May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause; but I will meditate on your precepts. May those who fear you turn to me, those who understand your statutes. May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

©2010 Rebecca Snell

All Rights Reserved

Knowledge and Grace in Your Blended Family- The Alphabet of God's Love ~ Teth ט

2010-10-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

Psalm 119:65-66 Do good to your servant according to your word, O LORD. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.

God has been gracious with us all along. Though we’ve walked through some hard times, we can pray and ask God to give us a sound mind. If we study God’s word, we’ll learn the difference between truth and falsehood, good and evil. When we learn what God’s word teaches, we will be equipped to face any storm….any and all evil. Isn’t that encouraging!!?? If someone were to hand you a Bible and say, I PROMISE…this will equip you to face ALL YOUR FAMILY STORMS, wouldn’t that get your attention? Well, it’s true…God’s Word WILL equip you to handle everything you walk through. It will equip you as you deal with your children, your step children, your in-laws, your spouse, your ex, your trials, your disappointments, your defeats, your blessings, your finances, your job situation…everything.

Psalm 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.

How many times have you considered the grass was greener somewhere else? It’s easy to do in a blended family. We begin to wonder if things just aren’t a little more ‘cushy’…over there. BEWARE…a ‘cushy’ life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and shouldn’t be the place you set your sights. A cushy life, more often than not, makes us full of ourselves. We begin to think we’re all that, depending on our own talents and strengths. We begin to step on each other in order to gain status and acclaim or position ourselves at the expense of someone else on a higher rung of our ladder. God sort of drifts to the back of our minds. CAUTION!!! When we begin to forget God and listen to his Word we’re in the gravest danger. Satan just loves it. So, how ironic is it that we strive for personal success all our lives, when really…the things of this world are just not as important as we think and may be serving to harden our hearts toward God and each other. Our trials tend to soften our hearts. Our trials give us empathy for our brother and sister. Our trials position us to open our ears to hear God. So Rebecca, are you advocating that it is evil to be successful? Keep reading.

Psalm 119:68 You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.

We cannot conceive how much good our God does every day, much less how Good He is. Did you know that the etymology for the word 'good' is God? We get the word good from the word God. HE is the only one who completely has right and desirable qualities. Pure good…pure love.

good (adj.) O.E. god (with a long "o") "having the right or desirable quality," from P.Gmc. *gothazz

Psalm: 69-70 Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law.

So what does a hardened heart look like? It’s angry, bitter, vengeful, unforgiving! Forgiveness is giving up our resentment and our right to get even. Un-forgiveness is the refusal to give up that right. It’s the refusal to give up the right to demand payment and justice. An angry bitter person often has the qualities of the hearts of David’s adversaries:

They smeared David with lies.
They had no conscience in doing it (lying)
They took pride in trampling him. They delighted in giving him a bad name with their lies.
They invented their lies to serve their wicked schemes.
Their heart was ‘callous’ and unfeeling…senseless, insecure and stupid..past feeling.

David did not make the mistake of falling into their trap and engaging them on their level. He didn’t strike back. Instead, he delighted in God’s Word.

Psalm 119:71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. It has been the lot of the best saints to be afflicted.

Affliction was good for David, because he learned many lessons from his afflictions. He learned about God through his trials. His trials contributed to the improvement of his knowledge and grace.

Psalm 119:72 The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.

God’s word was better to David than Gold or Silver (which he’d lost, by the way, in his afflictions)

So Rebecca, are you advocating that it is evil to be successful? Never. You can have all the success you want as long as you respond to that success by keeping your eyes on God in it. Eventually David’s riches increased, but David didn’t set his eyes on them. His eyes were deliberately on the Word of God. It’s not about having or not having…it’s about where your eyes are set.

If you forget God and hook into the things of this world, with material wealth, success, position, competition, power…being your drive, not God…you will miss the mightiest blessings of life. God himself. Your life will lack…richness. You will be wealthy and successful, but feel like something’s missing… Something is. You will be enslaved to the things above that drive you, and your heart will become calloused. Remember, when your heart is hard….nothing can get in. If nothing can get in…God can't get in and your heart will be void of love. It will be void of God himself. We weren’t designed to live without God. We weren't designed to live under the motto, 'It's all about me.'

What things are coming at you today? What schemes? Where is the enemy attacking your family? God's Word will give you all the knowledge and grace you need to get through it.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

God's Promises Are a Shield for You and Your Family...The Alphabet of Divine Love Heth~ח

2010-10-25T09:07:00.000-07:00

Promises of God

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Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. Proverbs 30:5

Psalm 119:64 The Earth is full of your loving kindness, O Lord; Teach me your statutes...

I love Fall....so many beautiful colors. Half the time I am driving home I'm contemplating how I would paint what I am seeing. I've come just this short of driving off the road in my distraction. To me, the colors are just beautiful!

This morning as I was driving to work, I looked ahead and noticed the clouds ahead of me were cast in part with a really pretty pink. They were reflecting in a way that made it difficult for me to think about how to paint them. I was studying the color and how the clouds were forming, then wondered...'HEY...why are they doing that? It dawned on me that they could only be reflecting that color from the sunrise...but I was driving West. Sure enough, when I looked through my rearview mirror I was stunned by the sunrise. It was spectacular. The colors were majestic...and here I'd been driving along oblivious to the beauty behind me. The beauty at my back.

Sometimes I think we go through life like that. God has our back in a stunningly beautiful way....and we're oblivious to it. The power of God's promises are just as striking as that sunrise was this morning, and we have no idea what we're missing. We're not looking.

How rich our lives would be, if we took a look daily at the beauty of God's promises to us. The beauty and freedom His shield of protection offers our family. If we don't take a look at what they are....we miss them. If we don't take a look at what He's promised...we miss the opportunity to feel the peace and assurances those promises bring. God has NEVER broken a promise....What is He promising your family as the beautiful sun rises every day? It's all there...in His book.

At War With Your Ex? The Weapon For your Blended Family…The Alphabet of Divine Love~ Zayin ז

2010-10-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

It wouldn’t seem that we could take our Bible and actually use it as a weapon. I suppose we could try to pick it up and whack it over our enemy’s head. While we might feel some temporary degree of satisfaction …it really wouldn’t serve to work things toward good. “Gee Judge, God said I could use my Bible as a weapon…I just hit her over the head ONCE!” I don’t think you'd gain much by way of victory there.

We're going to run through some of the weapons used in step family conflict with the Ex, but first, let's explore who our real enemy is, and how God's word will serve as our sword, protecting our mind and thoughts and spearing the enemy with His (s)word. In Hebrew, "Zayin" , this weeks letter, means sword, and the verb "Lezayen" means to arm. Who is our enemy? It isn't our Ex, but the enemy may be using your Ex to yield his evil weapons. God can take care of that.

Eph. 6:10-20
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God,so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,with the breastplate of righteousness in place,15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

Let’s take a minute here to look at some of the war weapons divorced parents often use with each other when they’re stuck in those post divorce wars…wars which more often than not, bleed over into your new blended family and cause issues. As a child of divorce, if I could caution parents against one thing, it would be this. Your children will remember everything you said and did. While they might not catch on to what and why you're doing what you do today, eventually they will process things with adult maturity. They will know who you are, by what YOU show them, not what the Ex says about you. It is sometimes very difficult to think about that when we're in our emotional moments...but ALWAYS consider what your words will mean to your children 20 years from now.

Here we go...just a few of the weapons formed in a blended family.
1. Spy, or the Gestapo Briefing: This is a weapon often utilized to gain information regarding financial or visitation agreements (schedules) between homes. The child comes in the door and is immediately questioned about everything going on in the other house. 'What did Mom give your Stepdad for his birthday?' 'Where is your Dad planning on going for vacation?' 'They’re buying a new house? Where?' 'When is your Stepmother's Birthday?' 'Do you know if your Mom has anything planned for the week of...'

While the parents use this weapon to arm themselves with financial or schedule information in an attempt to optimize their own position (financial or scheduled time), the children can’t help but feel insecure or torn by loyalties. Gestapo briefings are very often uncomfortable for kids. When parents find out their children have been interrogated this way, it is offensive. When children become adults, they remember the 'briefings' and can see with clarity the way a parent may have manipulated them in order to gain advantage for themselves. A young teenager shared with me that his Mother used to have him look at the calendar at his Dad's house and report to her what had been written on it. Then, she'd systematically plan 'events' for the kids to be busy with on the important or special dates of the other house. This served to strip Dad of the children when he wanted them there the most. Kids remember.

2. Parental Envoy: Some parents use their children as messengers, passing on their nasty thoughts about their ex or the new step parent through the mouths of their children. One child told me her mother said, “Ask your stepmother if she is gay. After all, she looks and acts like it.” Another young girl hated to give her father ‘the envelope’. The envelope was usually information which would upset her Dad. The young girl was asked to hand it to her father at the beginning of every visit. She was the designated bearer of bad news, and didn't even know it. The envelope usually contained notice of schedule changes he hadn’t agreed to, or notification that his time with the kids would be contested in court. Notice of a Back to School night that had already happened. Much of these ‘messenger’ attacks are designed to torpedo visits. After all, Dad is not going to be a very happy camper after he opens that envelope…is he? The kids lose the opportunity to have a good time with Dad, and Mom may be in the background when they return saying, "Your Father is just an angry man. I told you he had a bad temper. Next time you just call me. You shouldn't have to be around someone like that." Ultimately, parents who use their children to hurt their Ex, in the end will sabatage themselves. Kids remember, and eventually figure out what was happening. More importantly, God sees. He sees the motivation of our hearts.

Psalm 138:7 NIV...Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

3. The Aggravator: Some parents work their children up before a visit to the other house, openly listing this or that that the ex has done wrong to them ...allowing their children to hear about it, particularly as a visit to the other house is approaching. Mom might be on the phone with a friend discussing all the reasons her ex has hurt her, while her children listen. Dad may directly tell the kids, “Your Mother is trying to take all the money I have!” As I mentioned, often this information is downloaded to the child right before a house switch. Kids find themselves in the unfortunate position of trying to ‘champion’ the parent they perceive has been wronged. This, again, torpedoes their time with the other parent. The parent, who’s been targeted with the ‘anti-parent’ propaganda, is now angry at his/her child for believing it and repeating it. This is bad for the child on multiple fronts. There’s no ‘right’ position for the child to take in this. Loyalty defined as disloyalty to the other parent puts the child in a no-win situation. Children remember.

The propaganda campaign of some Ex's is truly filled with evil weaponry. Many in blended families face these weapons formed against them, to varying degrees on a daily basis. What do you do when faced with them? Is there a guidebook here? Could God’s word possibly have anything in it which would address these situations? Could the Spirit of Truth really be used as a sword against the evil one? Remember, the evil one is not your ex. He's just using your Ex's insecurities, anger and bitterness to form his weapons. God is very familiar with the enemy. He very familiar with his weaponry, and His word is designed to be your sword. God can take what was formed as a weapon and use it to shape and mold your character toward good. Open your Bible and read…it will strengthen you, guide you, and give you the greatest peace in the midst of your storms. God’s sword is mightier….and much more efficient…than any sword you might ever attempt to wield on your own.

Eph 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Psalm 97:10 NIV

Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Psalm 138:7 NIV

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

Psalm 140:7 NIV

O GOD the Lord, the strength of my salvation, You have covered my head in the day of battle.

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 119:49-56,

“Remember the word to your servant,

In which You have made me hope.

This is my comfort in my affliction,

That Your word has revived me.

The arrogant utterly deride me,

Yet I do not turn aside

From Your law.

I have remembered Your ordinances from of old,

O Lord,

And comfort myself.

Burning indignation has seized me because of the wicked,

Who forsake Your law.

Your statutes are my songs

In the house of my

Pilgrimage.

O Lord, I remember Your name in the night,

And keep Your law.

This has become mine,

That I observe Your precepts.

The One Who Sets us Free... The Alphabet of Divine Love~ Vavו

2010-10-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

I just googled the Hebrew letter 'Vav'. It means, I believe...'hook'. Ironically, the verses for today speak about David as though he were simply hooked on God's word! David loved it so much that he depended on it for life itself.

Psalm 119:41 May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise; 42 then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in your word. 43 Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws. 44 I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. 45 I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts. 46 I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, 47 for I delight in your commands because I love them. 48 I lift up my hands tob your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees.

Hear the few things David says about what the Word of God teaches:

God's unfailing love....

God's salvation...

God's promises...

God's protection against those who would put us to shame...

God's word:

Can be trusted...

Gives us freedom...

Offers commands for our delight...

I read a book not to long ago by a woman who was a hospice worker. She began the book with her thoughts about watching people die. She, like other medical people (Dr's and nurses) I've read about or heard from, said there is a huge difference between watching the passing of one who is a Christian, and watching the passing of one who is not. One was typically peaceful, the other could be full of fear and anxiety. What is it about being a Christian which gives us freedom, even as we approach the end of life? Why was being hooked on God's word and keeping it on his tongue so important to David's life and freedom?

God has written us what is akin to a very long instruction letter as it relates to living in this world. In it...is everything He wants us to know in order live well and Glorify Him... Amazingly, there have even been scientific studies which give credibility to the idea that hooking into God's Word keeps us well...psychologically. Free...

ScienceDaily (Mar. 5, 2009) — "Believing in God can help block anxiety and minimize stress, according to new University of Toronto research that shows distinct brain differences between believers and non-believers."

"..Compared to non-believers, the religious participants showed significantly less activity in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a portion of the brain that helps modify behavior by signaling when attention and control are needed, usually as a result of some anxiety-producing event like making a mistake. The stronger their religious zeal and the more they believed in God, the less their ACC fired in response to their own errors, and the fewer errors they made."

..."We found that religious people or even people who simply believe in the existence of God show significantly less brain activity in relation to their own errors. They're much less anxious and feel less stressed when they have made an error."

"...Their findings show religious belief has a calming effect on its devotees, which makes them less likely to feel anxious about making errors or facing the unknown."

The paper, appearing online in Psychological Science, was co-authored by Dr. Ian McGregor at York University, and by Jacob Hirsh and Kyle Nash, doctoral candidates at the University of Toronto and York University, respectively.

All families can live free, when they're 'hooked' on God's Word! God's letter should receive better billing than it does....:)

©2010 Rebecca Snell

All Rights Reserved

The Miraclulous Helper in your Blended Family~The Alphabet of Divine Love~ He ה

2010-10-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

PANIC IN A BLENDED FAMILY....and FREEDOM. A STEPFAMILY CAN BE FULL OF JOY, BUT IF YOU DON'T STAY CLOSE TO GOD, THE TRIALS CAN TAKE YOU OUT.

Psalm 119:33 Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. 34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. 35 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. 36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. 37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. 38 Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared. 39 Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. 40 How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

I don’t know how you are getting along in your step family today.  Can we be honest here? This walk can be difficult. Parts of it were difficult when I was a child going through it, and parts of it are difficult as a parent in it. Just when you think you’ve successfully mastered the ‘step family thing’, some other issue (opportunity for refinement…said with a smile) rears its ugly old head.

Realistically we could say that about life in general. Jesus tells us, "In this world you will have trouble.⁴⁹ But take heart! I have overcome⁵⁰ the world."   So, we know we'll have trouble no matter what...but the trouble volume in a step family can sometimes be high.

I’m going to hop on the whine bandwagon and show you a little blended family whining. Are you with me here? C’mon, I’m not the only person in a blended family who thought, ‘I can't do this’… am I? I know I’m not…because I have spoken with too many men and women who’ve found themselves at their wits end and have come just this close to saying, “I’m done.” The statistics for marriage survival in a blended family are not good. Let's take a quick look at what a blended family obstacle course might look like.

We'll start with something simple. Logistics:
Twenty loads of laundry instead of five? Eight soccer games instead of 2? Five back to school nights in two school districts at four different grade levels (schools),.

Then there's the worry about what is being said. Many parents talk about feeling uncomfortable at these normal events. Some feel as though they're looked at with a‘special look’ by the ex's friends or the teacher, or whomever. …"Who knows WHAT they've been told about me," they'll say. I'm told that suddenly they see body language and reaction to them that's different than they've ever seen before. "People always liked me well enough before...what happened?" from people as it relates to them. The look that says, “Oh…'You're one who….fill in the blank”. Others will tell me that it's simply awkward attending a school event with two sets of parents.

It is also quite common for me to hear, "My kids' step mother is evil." "My husband's ex is a terrible Mother." "Their Father just doesn't care about them." "Their Step Father hates them."

I've heard about parents who've received phone calls from the school counselor. Their ex and his/her new spouse paid the counselor a visit suggesting, ‘something is really not right with their mother/father’? "Their Mother doesn't take care of those kids, she's completely focused on herself." "Their step Father is trying to replace me as DAD!" I've heard of a parent requesting a dog switch houses when the kids do, "I miss the dog too.', then not returned because it was claimed the dog wasn't cared for properly and the ex didn't deserve to have it back.

I've heard about the affects of the discord between spouse and ex inside the home. I'll hear, "Does my husband/wife have any idea that when he’s/she’s mad at the ex—it’s me and the kids who feel his/her anger and bad mood? Not the ex?" And the heated discussions between husband/wife over the ‘ex’? The kids? The rules? The lack of rules? Who favors whom, and who doesn’t have the patience for or love for the other's?

You know you're in a step family when you finally have time for a quiet romantic date night with your spouse and the topic of conversation at the four star restaurant leads to an ‘ex’ discussion…over candlelight and roses. Happy Anniversary...

Then there never seems to be an easy holiday plan. Court dates are made, mediators sought because the Christmas or Summer vacation schedule just couldn’t be worked out on either side.

"No you can't have the time the court gave you because I planned something special with my family, you'll just have to learn to be FLEXIBLE."

Or....the opposite, "What do you mean you've made other plans...It's YOUR time with the kids!"

Then, there is the issue of the bag which travels from house to house.   The kids' belongings and what should be packed. What shouldn't be packed.  What should travel from one house to another.  What shouldn't travel from one house to another.

A parent will say to a child, "I bought that for you...it's staying at my house."

Or...."You mean your Mother wouldn't let you bring it because she bought it? Isn't it yours?"

And a parent feeling left out of school issues might say to the ex, "Book bag? Are you serious? They can’t bring their book bag to my house ...because???"

A parent angry that all the good clothes seem to be going in one direction might say, "You haven't really systematically returned old underwear with holes each time I sent them home in brand new underwear, have you?"

Then there's the information that is shared between homes, and the information that isn't,

“Why didn’t you tell me the kids had back to school night last week?...You’re the one who gets the information?”

And the arguments over who cares more? Who doesn't care enough?

“Don’t you care enough about the kids to GO TO MEET THE TEACHER NIGHT?”

Then the one who wasn't involved in the schedule at all....

“What do you mean you worked the schedule out with your ex…did you even bother to check to see what MY schedule looked like for next week? Where am I in all of this? Did you even consider that I might have different plans for that day?"

Then there are issues of child support. Who is paying, Who is not paying. Who is not paying enough,

"He’s not paying child support again!"

"What do you mean you’re raising my child support…I just lost my job!”

[37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.]

While I’ve taken the liberty here to mix comments I hear often, the bottom line is this. Sometimes we come to a place where we just don’t think it will work. We consider it would be easier to be on our own. I've made a great discovery in my walk with the Lord. I have noticed that when my eyes are on myself (not God), it's generally trouble. I've also noticed another human phenomenon. It doesn't take much for our eyes to turn in complete protection of ourselves and our position. [36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.] But that is a story for another day.

You know what? The devil is a LIAR!!!....and he wants you to believe your marriage won’t work, you won't work, your husband/wife won't work. Discouragement is one of his mightiest weapons, because he wants you to think you are powerless over all of this.   When we feel powerless, we start doing and saying things in protection of ourselves. They are things that aren't that kind or considerate toward each other. They're selfish things...looking out for number one, protecting number one because we don't trust that anyone else will protect us.   Just mix a little exhaustion in with a little dissension, add in a measure of bitter anger, with a few inconsiderate bad acts…combine that with a few well chosen words of accusation and a few upset kids …and BAM! Another one bites the dust??! Have we forgotten we have a helper?    Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters,¹ I will be with you;² and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire,³ you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.⁴

[Ps. 119:34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.]

Have you ever had a month or two where daily… one issue was hitting after another? I have…and I remember the days I wanted to give up, though I didn’t want to get another divorce. I’d already figured out why God hated divorce and I wasn’t keen to go there again. So what could I do?   I found myself on my knees…praying…no begging God to help me. I was begging Him to show me what to do.w [35 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.] I was exhausted and out of words to pray. I sat there silently willing the Holy Spirit to come into me, clean me up from the inside out and guide me. I silently inclined my EAR to Him. You see…we need to do more than ask God for things in prayer. We have to listen, if we want His guidance. We have to hear. We have to tap into His Spirit, read His word, remember His words…constantly…pray and listen. I listened, and was amazed. No really….HEAR ME….I was amazed!! I could feel the presence of God. I could feel His love and His encouragement. I was at the end of myself and there….is where He met me.

[38 Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared.]

I learned some incredibly important things about God at the point of my greatest trials. I learned He was ‘live’…not an old story I'd been told. He was really active in me….not just a book to read and a far away God to pray to. I learned that HE had the power to orchestrate my walk toward good, by laying the stones in my path. He was working for the good of our family and I could see it. [39 Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.] He was addressing specific issues with His word. He even confirmed for me that it was HIM doing it. A little verse read that morning, a prayer following....four hours later my friend would call and say, "By the way...have you heard (insert same morning message from God)"...I'd turn on Christian radio as I picked up the kids from school....and HEAR the message again. [40 How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.]
Amazing. I'm slow, but I'm not THAT slow...

One by one….I’d watch God handle the most unsolvable human problems I had. I’d pray, listen, pray…and watch. I wasn’t just moved, I was stunned….that He was there and WORKING in my life to make everything work toward good. This will sound funny to you, but I was so amazed to see Him work so many things toward good that looked humanly impossible to ‘work toward good’ that I began to SMILE when the next tragedy hit. I know, that's a little strange.  I was so sure of God's power that I was actually looking forward to seeing what God would do with our next situation. It was that amazing. What a good feeling it was to realize that He was there and I had nothing to worry about as long as I stayed close to Him. I realized it wasn't my circumstances that governed my joy and peace...but my faith. I felt a freedom from my fears, which helped me to lay down the walls I'd been building in protection of myself. When our walls come down...love and hope stand a chance.

Dear Lord, protect my marriage and my family. Keep us close to you...so that evil will not take us out. Protect the marriages and families of all those reading this blog...keep them safe in the shadow of your wings. Amen

"In the Old Testament God spoke at many times and in a variety of ways. Through Jesus, God Himself spoke to His people during His lifetime. Now God speaks through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will teach you all things, will call to your memory the things Jesus said, will guide you into all truth, will speak what He hears from the Father, will tell you what is yet to come, and glorify Christ as He reveals Christ to you. Does God really speak to His people in our day? Will He reveal to you where He is working when He wants to use you? Yes! God has not changed. He still speaks to His people. If you have trouble hearing God speak, you are in trouble at the very heart of your Christian experience." H. Blackaby

The Voice of Truth and Strength in a Blended Family --The Alphabet of Divine Love~ Daleth ד

2010-10-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. 26 I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. 27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. 28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. 29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. 30 I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. 31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. 32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

DIVIDED LOYALTIES...DIVIDED TRUTHS...
A biological family or an intact family is like a cell, with one nucleus. In that cell structure, the parents and children are in the center and are the nucleus of the cell, protected by its wall. When the cell (family) divides into two cells it creates two different family cells with one thing in common...the children. But the children move out of the center to the edge overlap of both new family cells. Now, the child is no longer in the center nucleus. Mom and her new husband are in one center and Dad and his new wife in another.

Each of these cells has its own structure, its own center nucleus, its own control center. The children are no longer protected by one unified wall, but come under the influence of two dissimilar cells, which sometimes agree and sometimes actively oppose each other. Each of these new cell families comes with its own language and its own truths.

In the original cell system, Mom and Dad were responsible for discerning truth and guiding their children. For the most part (if things were healthy) it was unified guidance control system driving the family in the same direction. In the divided cell system, that truth navigation responsibility will no longer be on Mom and Dad's shoulders but by default now rests on the child's shoulders. Why? Because there are two database/ information imports from two control centers and no one else but the children to discern which to follow. Children are by default charged with the duty of discerning truth between between Mom's house and Dad's (should the information download from both be different or opposing). It becomes the child's burden to weigh the differences between Mom's House and Dad's and come up with some understanding of 'right or wrong'. Ouch...don't we hate that?!! How do we set our hearts and our children free from this? How do we set ourselves free from this course destined for collision?

As we all know, children are not mature enough to be equipped to understand the complex dynamics of life. Different 'truths' from differing households can quickly become confusing to them. But remember this: Children by God's command are called to honor their parents, that it might go well with them. What if, in the extreme, honoring one parent means they are called to dishonor another? In that position, kids would be positioned immediately to oppose one of the basic commands of God. Thou shall honor thy Mother and thy Father.

When one goes against the commands of God, our souls are not at rest within us. Kids feel it. Parents feel it. As a result, we may all feel weary in our sorrows. In extreme situations in order to survive, kids might even find themselves supporting one parent or another's mistruths. Parents might find themselves using the other home's weaknesses to wound--using the children to convey the message, in order to feel better about themselves [keep me from deceitful ways Lord]. Children know they are not operating from truth because they have seen with their eyes what 'is'. Innately they know they supporting exaggerations or lies because it’s the path of least resistance. That presents a heavy burden of guilt and shame for a child to bear.

Children want to be loved by their parents. They know what to say to make Mom or Dad happy. Make certain they don’t feel the need to denigrate another house in order for you to smile. If they learn that it works for them to honor one parent with little exaggerations or outright lies about the other house, they've learned to distort truth in order to 'fit'. Worse than that they've learned its okay not to honor the other parent.

Children of divorce can be the best chameleons. Parents in divorce can feel desperate when they feel they are losing something precious (the undivided loyalty and devotion of their children to another).

What do we do as parents? The answer? Keep it simple. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Ps 37:4) We seek one thing when our human truths are not aligned and as a result our souls are weary, we feel but dust and are downcast. We seek God's truth. We teach God's truth, not our own. His ways are perfect, ours are subject to 'the skew'. We keep our eyes alert for 'Earmarks of Jealousy' between households (Comparison {when the enemy tempts you to compare--refuse to do it}, Competition {breeds anxiety, depression and hopelessness, causing us to lose our sense of peace}, fear {God is with you, do not fear that you will be replaced by someone or something}, strife and dissension {The enemy's favorite weapon. Satan wants us to be at odds with ourselves and others...He wants to take the light of God OUT of your children).

Renew your mind daily, with God's truths. Put them before all of your words, all of your actions, all of your thoughts...that you would respond to the complex with the almighty power of the simple truths of God.

God will be the center of your world. His truths will be the center of your children's world.

But you say, "Rebecca, you don't know my ex. I cannot force my children to honor him/her." To which I say, Consider how David honored Saul...

David was downtrodden, he'd been hunted and slandered by the King, he'd had to hole up in caves because of mis-truth and the prideful slander of the King. Notice that he asks God in verse 29 to keep him from deceitful ways. Notice in David's verses below that God not only holds the truth, but He holds the power and strength for us to follow the truth. Plug into that...and your family will not be put to shame. David had the power and forces of the King against him, yet he stayed plugged into God. Read his story in 1st Sam. At one point David was in the position to kill the King, the man who had done evil, slandered him and tried to kill him. David's response? He considered that God had made Saul King, and who was he to dishonor what God had put into place. Well, God has made you Mom or Dad...not man. Teach your children to honor what God has put in place. Lead your family in God's truth and strength...it trumps man's.

Daleth

25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. 26 I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. 27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. 28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. 29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. 30 I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. 31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. 32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

The Blended Family Map--The Alphabet of Divine Love~ Gimel ג

2010-10-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

AS A CHILD OF DIVORCE, I GREW UP THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY FROM MY DAD...WHEN I WAS A YOUNG ADULT, HE INVITED ME ON A TRIP....IT WOULD BE REMEMBERED AS THE BEST TRIP OF MY LIFE. A TIME WHEN I GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT WHO HE WAS... AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. I COULD PROBABLY WRITE A BOOK ABOUT WHAT I LEARNED, BUT I ONLY HAVE TIME FOR A SHORT STORY HERE. IT IS A GOOD STORY FOR TODAY'S SCRIPTURE READING.

Psalm 119:17 Do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. 18 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. 19 I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. 20 My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. 21 You rebuke the arrogant, who are cursed and who stray from your commands. 22 Remove from me scorn and contempt, for I keep your statutes. 23 Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees. 24 Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.

Several years ago my Father took me on a trip into the Canadian Boundary Waters. It was a special trip for me as I'd moved away from Dad when I was quite young, and hadn't had the opportunity to see much of him beyond Summer visits. My Father lived in the Midwest, my Mother in Hawaii. Even when I did get to Dad's house...he had to spend a good deal of his time working. I knew this trip would give me the opportunity to spend a lot of one on one time with him and nothing was going to stop me from grabbing that opportunity. If I remember correctly, it was a two week trip into Quetico Provincial Park in Canada. The park was a wildlife refuge so we were to pack only what we needed in a backpack, pick up food supplies from an outfitter, hop on a small pontoon plane in Canada, fly into the middle of the forest, land on a lake, untie our canoes from the pontoons of the plane, and begin our journey to a designated pick up point two weeks away.

I'd read quite a bit about the trip so I knew the dangers. I read about the bear population. I understood that we could carry no weapons. I read the do's and don'ts in terms of survival and safety. I knew what the weather would be like.

My Father studied the map, something I now know he diligently does whenever he goes on a trip. He was our designated map guy.   Dad has always loved that park, so it wasn't his first trip in and he was pretty familiar with the terrain. But he wouldn't travel without that map. To him, the map was 'key' to our survival. It was handled with the greatest of care. I remember him wrapping it in plastic during the trip...after he'd look at it. He kept it on him at all times...WITH the compass..

The portages we traveled, (paths winding between lakes) were once used by the French trappers and voyageurs of the Hudson's Bay Company. I think they were the same then as they are now. Rugged little paths on the map, some no bigger than a deer path. We canoed and fished for small mouth bass, walleye, and Northern Pike...setting up and breaking down camp along the way. It was indeed, the most breathtakingly beautiful trip I've ever been on, despite the man eating mosquitoes, bear, and the fact that I had to sift mosquito larvae out of the water in order to brew a good cup of coffee. BTW...there was nothing better than that cup of coffee, the sunrise over the lakes, and the sounds of God's creation.  Going without makes even the smallest privilege precious. Starbucks had nothing on that cup of coffee.

Half way into the journey we began to navigate a series of waterfalls. We'd paddle to the base of one waterfall, get out of our canoes and portage (climb and carry our boat and supplies) up to the base of the next. Seven times (if I remember correctly...I might have that wrong). At about the third waterfall we had an option. We could portage (hike) around a bottle necked area of water at the top of the falls to the base of the next waterfall, or try to paddle through it. I was not the bravest one on the trip, so elected--amidst teasing, to portage or hike it. The other boat (my Father's) decided to barrel through. Long story short, the water levels were exceptionally high for that time of year and the currents strong. Their canoe was spit backwards at such a rate that it threw the paddlers overboard. I watched with horror as the empty canoe headed to the top of the waterfall behind us and plummeted over the top of the falls (20+ft) with a good deal of our supplies. It was 10 panicking minutes before I saw My Father. He'd somehow made it to the shore upstream and hiked back to us, but his buddy ended up on a small postage size piece of land splitting the falls. The other canoe (mine) had only one option, since help was a good three day hike away...and that was a maybe. That option was to get into the remaining canoe, paddle out to the split in the falls, and bring back my father's friend. We did, but it was incredibly dangerous. We were all in shock when it was over.   My father was in shock and in sort of a foggy trance like state. He wasn't answering when I talked to h im. I stood there worried and watching him pull out his wallet ... drying off a picture he obviously considered special. When I went up to him to make certain he was okay, I realized the picture he was drying off was of me. I was stunned. All these years away, and I never considered he carried a picture of me in his wallet.   Good grief...tears are welling up just typing this. I'm getting off story here.   We collected our gear as best we could and examined what our losses were: Tackle box recovered...busted open but some lures were floating.... Camera...found waterlogged. Food, floating but watertight. Clothes, tents, etc...soaked. But here's the kicker....Map and Compass...GONE.

You see, part of the beauty of this trip was that we would see NO ONE for days. The peace was perfect. That's all good, until you're lost in thousands of acres of forest and lakes without a map to guide you out. Without our map or compass (and nobody had a cell phone...GPS didn't exist at the time), we were in danger. That map told us where to go. It told us where not to go, in order to stay safe. Fortunately, my father had committed it so much to memory, that we were able to find our way out.

God gives us a map for life. It is a map designed with the same purpose...to keep His loved ones out of harm and safe. God's map is His Word, His law. We tend to view that law as perhaps a restriction to happiness...but it is exactly the opposite. God's law protects us from the perils of life. It's safe direction through life's paths.   Following it closely enables us to navigate through this life safely with the greatest amount of 'good' possible. Following it, protects us from people who would seek to harm us. It is the power behind our peace, happiness, joy, safety, fuel for life, etc.   We should care about, and commit to memory as much of it as we possibly can so that we make it through this life and live. As crazy as our world is getting, there may be a day when the privilege of having it in our possession will not be possible. How important it God's map to you?

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

The Light of Life in a Step Family-- The Alphabet of Divine Love~ Beth ב

2010-10-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:9-11

“A weighty question asked. By what means may the next generation be made better than this?"
Matthew Henry Commentary on PS 119:9-11

Not long after we were married, my husband attended a Promise Keepers event in Washington D.C. When he came home he was so excited. He gave me a CD of songs they sang (revival songs) and wanted me to listen to them. I listened to them all, then put the CD into our fancy new CD alarm clock. Every morning I’d wake up and hear a minister lead men into song quoting Henry Blackaby:

"So I've always said if things get darker in America, the problem is not with the darkness--it's just acting according to its nature. The problem is with the light. The light no longer dispels the darkness. All the way through the Bible, judgment came on the nation when God's people would not return unto Him."

These words and the song that followed ...played day after day…every morning like a scene from the movie, ‘Groundhog Day’.

Those first years of our blended family life were full of trials, one following another. Our house could quickly get contaminated or become impure…by this or that. We’d be going along just fine in our own little world, when a divorce issue would reach in and cause havoc, stirring the waters in a bad way. While we’d try to do as God wanted us to do, our hearts were still angry. While our actions were upright, our spirits were still unforgiving. The truth was our anger, hatred, and bitterness made our home impure, and every time the new attack launched, we felt it again. We'd become angry...and that anger permeated through the walls of our house.

Love for Enemies

43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? 52 Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Oswald Chambers wrote:

“Jesus says—if you are my disciple you must be right not only in your living, but in your motives, in your dreams, in the recesses of your mind. You must be so pure in your motives that God Almighty can see nothing to censure.”

I remember thinking at the time that I wanted to draw so near to Jesus, that even my dreams would be honorable before God. If my heart was pure, my motives would be pure. If my motives were pure, my thoughts would be pure. ….Thoughts always precede actions, so if my thoughts were pure, my actions could not be questioned. I would be right before God and If I were right before God….then He who was with me would be greater than he who was against me. Seemed like a good plan of action to me. Love my enemy? Well, I agreed to try. I knew I could at least pray for them.

I quickly realized that I couldn’t change my heart and spirit by myself, to conform to Christ. I couldn’t get beyond the ‘human’ thing (anger, hurt, resentment, bitterness) and realized that if I couldn’t or didn’t, I would remain chained to the people I couldn’t forgive. My life would be continually contaminated with my own inability to forgive. My children would continue to be affected by it. Then I read that I could do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Could I really look for something to love in another who was determined to take me out? I decided I'd try...and God could take care of everything else. After all, He seemed to be handling my own issues with efficiency.

When Jesus raised the high bar in Matthew 5-7, he expected us to alter our spirit, through Him. He alters our heredity, not our human nature. When Jesus comes into our spirit, He alters our mainspring. He gives us living water….as our springboard. His Helper, the Holy Spirit, the Living water... fuels, refreshes, renews, cleanses, and purifies our spirit. It gives light….to the angry darkness. It gives us the ability to love, as He loves. It's not a halogen high powered flashlight...which blares its light in judgment and criticism of others--hiding its own darkness behind it, but more like the natural light of a candle...which by its nature shines its light upward....and shines a reflecting light around itself. I could either be a high powered criticism and judgement weapon...or a gentle light that glowed. Nothing hidden there. Do you think it was by chance that I woke up to that message every single morning? I don't think so. God has a way of disciplining us...refining us...and making us new. To me, it was a sweet and soft 'correction'.

“the problem is not with the darkness--it's just acting according to its nature. The problem is with the light.” Then the song would begin to play….“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Purify your heart, mind and spirit through Christ...and the light of God will shine in your family. Contaminates between your walls will be contained and diffused! Am I pure today? Ha! Far from it, but I continually strive to stay connected to the One who is.

©2010 Rebecca Snell

All Rights Reserved

Grace for a Broken Family--The Alphabet of Divine Love - Aleph א

2010-10-06T07:36:00.000-07:00

“Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD.” Psalms 119:1

James 2:10 “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. “

We fall so far short of God’s law. We’re guilty of breaking God’s commandments on multiple fronts. All of us. The Bible clearly states that there is not ONE who is righteous, no not one. (Rom 3:10; Ps 53:1; 1 John 1:8) We all fall short of the Glory of God. We’re guilty of breaking the laws of God, even when we think we aren’t. To prove the point, in the book of Matthew Jesus talks about what it means to fulfill the law in a way that surpasses the Pharisees and teachers of the law. He shows us what God’s ‘high bar’ looks like. Here is just an example:

Matt 5:21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.'
(Jesus takes the law up a notch…)..”22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.

When Jesus is finished going through all of His examples, He tells us to be wise… hear His words and put them into practice. He tells us that in doing so our homes will be built on a solid foundation…on the rock. He tells us that He didn't come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; but to fulfill it. He fulfilled the requirement of God, where we couldn't. Thank goodness!!!

Matt 5:17 "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

If you are in a blended family, chances are your dream is that your house would be built on a solid foundation. Perhaps you’ve experienced firsthand the horror of a house that fell with a crash when the winds blew and beat against it. You are not disqualified as a result. Jesus will meet you where you are …today. Remember what God promises when you turn your eyes to Him? He will heal. Through Him, your house can stand on solid ground. But we must hear what He has to say…and put His words into practice. We must consider all His commands. We must believe in Him, because He fulfilled the requirements of the law when we couldn’t. He died for you and me. Believe in Him and walk according to His ways….Then, you will not be put to shame.

Build your House on a Rock…Not Sand

Matthew 7 24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

When Christ died on the cross, He fulfilled the law…and covered our sin debt. He didn’t erase or delete the law…He fulfilled the requirements of it in order that our sins would be covered and we could enter Heaven. He died for you and me…the ungodly. Those of us who have stumbled, who are not blameless, who couldn’t quite hit that high bar. (remember, that means everyone…technically speaking)…He died that we might live.

Romans 5:7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Pick up your Bible and read the words of Christ …all of His words. Begin to meditate on them...day and night, then watch God heal your family.

No matter what has come before. Today, Christ meets you where you are at….be determined to build your house on the Rock….that it would stand when the winds blow and beat against it.

Wooooo Hooooo....I am not disqualified!!!

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Keeping Your Heart ' In Frame'...

2010-10-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

What is the condition of your heart? Is it hard? Do you trust? Forgive? Love? or...do you protect your heart, knowing how quickly it can be hurt, squashed or taken out? The advantage of a hardened and protected heart is that nobody can get in and hurt you again. Your heart is yours...not dependent on entrusting it to another. The problem with a hardened and protected heart is that NOTHING can get in, and NOTHING can get out. It can't love. It can't receive love. Nothing gets in or out....even God.

Stepfamilies are associated with splintered families and deficiency. I hate that, as I have been a product of divorce since I was a young child. I've spent my life pondering the question, 'What does this mean for me? Am I scrap for the heap?' It's a quiet question children of divorce wrestle with almost all their lives. It's a quiet question Adults ponder in their minds, too.

Perhaps I used to look at myself as scrap...but no more. I risked one thing...softening my heart enough to let God in. In doing so, God has given me a different take on things. He's shown me who I was in His eyes... Through His Son, I am worthy of His redemption, His grace and His love. I really can't believe He doesn't look at me as scrap. I really can't believe that through Christ I can be white as snow...my sins remembered no more. The sins of the past...remembered no more.

There isn't anyone who's walked the path of divorce and brokenness that doesn't understand clearly why God hates it. No minister or counselor can define it's depravity better than one who's walked the road and fallen in its potholes.

Stepfamilies are quickly becoming the family norm. That's sad, as while we remarry with high hopes and expectations with regard to love, trust and respect...we often find ourselves experiencing fear, remorse, rage, divided loyalties, guilt, disappointment, rivalries, resentment, distrust, isolation and a whole miriad of 'potholes' with more frequency and greater volume than we might have before. It seems to be the nature of the fall. Freefall...is more like it.

I now know that I am not scrap in God's eyes, of this I am certain. How do I know? When I softened my heart and let Him in...spent time in His word, in prayer...He showed me. He equipped me with what I needed to break away from past failure to fresh and beautiful conformity in Him. He taught me in the most loving amazing way possible. With a gentle and loving hand... His ways are not man's ways. He is more efficient than man, in the work of putting us back together.

God is a God of second chances, and desires that we open our eyes, ears, and heart to Him. When we do...His promise is that He would heal. Through that healing, our families will change and be made new. Without Him, the cycle will repeat itself with greater frequency throughout generations.

In short...our hearts needs to be framed completely by Him. His precepts 'prescriptions'...for your family to rise above the scrap. Not man's. With our eyes on Him, we can walk a road that saves our families as an whole from the dire consequences of divorce and post divorce hostility and further breakdown. Through Christ, we can change the course of our families and give them heritage.

For the next several blog posts...we'll walk through the Saint's Alphabet. David's 'how to'...when it comes to putting ourselves, our hearts, and our family in God's protective frame.

"For the heart of this people has become dull (insensitive), with their ears they scarcely hear and they have closed their eyes, otherwise they would see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and return. And I would heal them." Matthew 13:15

Have Fun...Tell Me About YOUR good blended family memory...

2010-09-23T13:18:00.004-07:00

I have noticed when writing these blogs...that I tend to focus on what might be challenging to blended families. While it might be helpful, it can get pretty depressing to focus on the 'challenges' all the time.

I read a book not too long ago about the affects of divorce. One night, I found I just didn't have the heart to read another word. At that moment, I was through reading about bad news...I put the book I was reading down and was determined to set my mind on something happy. 'Divorce Poison' wasn't happy, though it was informative.

One of the bummers about divorce and blended families...IS THAT WE TEND TO HYPER FOCUS so much on our trials, our wounds, our children's wounds, our grief with this or that, or our worries, that we miss the joys.

STOP!!! TAKE TIME TO DELIBERATELY SMELL THE ROSES!!!

Another Birthday!!!

From Golf Champions and Amanda's Birthday

I'm almost half a century old, and have been in a blended family since I was 5. That's a long time. If someone were to ask me to think about all the good times, both as a child in divorce and as a Mother/Step Mother with my family...I could fill your ears for hours.

From Golf Champions and Amanda's Birthday

Busted by security on the roof of the hotel...viewing the sunset.

From Golf Champions and Amanda's Birthday

Most of my memories, ironically, bring a smile for me today. They were moments when we all forgot we were blended, step, divorced, and remarried...broken. Moments when we simply went outside, played, laughed at jokes, listened to each other talk about the 'good' thing that happened to us that day at the dinner table, or went on vacation together. Right off the bat I think about my sweet step daughter. I just love her. She caught everyone else's roll at Lamberts...Throwed Rolls Restaurant on our last family vacation (without remorse and with more gusto than a wide receiver)...because she just couldn't resist. The whole table (our children who were by then teens/adults) roared with laughter...just because we all knew her. We all knew how out of character and funny it was to see her hog the rolls with NO remorse!! Not one bit of guilt...and she laughed doing it.

"Yes, I have my roll...and YOURS!"

From Lambert's Cafe & Golf Championship

I have pictures of our sons (1) his and (1) mine, finally catching a wave as they body surfed on our Myrtle Beach vacation. Pure JOY. I have memories of our girls writing and acting out a skit at our Mountain Cabin in Colorado. Their 'drama' had us all as a family, crying we laughed so hard. I have memories of some of our money challenged Christmas'...making things up as gifts or games...because we couldn't afford big presents. (Those Christmas memories were later voted 'the best' by the way)

So I recommend that you perfect the art of lighten up in your family. Put that depressing self help book aside for the moment. Leave your worries for awhile and look for a reason to smile. If you look...you will find many blessings surrounding you.

SMILE MOM!!!

From Luau 2007

I want to hear about YOUR good memories.... please share one here!

Standoff--The Elephant in the Room. Will We Ever Love Like A Real Family?

2010-09-17T07:23:00.001-07:00

The question that is rarely asked and constantly contemplated. Will your family EVER be a real family? Will everyone REALLY love each other fully? Will we ever have tradition, heritage, Christmas memories...Bond?

The answer is yes, though it is a conditional answer. The yes is completely dependent on your eye set. It is completely dependent on your focus. If you steadfastly remain close to the Shepherd...He can heal and bond your family.

This sounds like a pat answer...but is is quite complex. Staying close to the Shepherd, close to God, close to His will...will require constant intentional focus. In this world, there are many distractions. In a blended family...there are more. Are you up to the race? Yes, you are. Be deliberately intentional about where you set your eyes. Be deliberately intentional about where you set your thoughts. Be deliberately intentional about listening to God and following His direction.

You have a choice when it comes to the tapes playing in your head. Which one's will you hit 'play' for? Angry thoughts about your ex? Frustrating disappointments with your spouse? Loyalty issues with your step children? Irritation at ballgames when the 'red sea does part'? Rumors from this corridor or that? Or...On God's Grace, love, mercy, Spirit, Word, Truth?

Be deliberate about your focus. The more God is in your life...the more successful your family will be. Heritage is a tall order for a blended family. Give them heritage in the Lord.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Standoff--When Your Husband Favors His Children Over Yours

2010-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

When God blesses us with children, He also gives us a special heart for them. They are special to us, before they are even born. When they cry, they are lovingly comforted. When they are hungry, they are lovingly fed. When they are sick, we dread it...and do all we can to make them better. We wipe their tears, calm their fears, and dedicate our lives and hearts to them.

A new step parent has missed all of this. A new step parent doesn't have the advantage of the God given heart for his/her stepchild when a family first blends. It would be unfair for us to expect that he/she would. It wouldn't be natural.

Solomon, in all his wisdom, understood this. The way he handled the story in the video, was brilliant. It demonstrates the reality of that heart of a parent for their children. Two women claim to be the mother of one child. When Solomon decides that the child is to be cut in half, one woman relinquishes her claims, thus disclosing her identity as the true mother.

Okay...it's another day. Bobby...(fine, strapping, cheeky, 5 year old son of Mom), is playing with Billy, (fine, strapping, cheeky, 5 year old son of Dad). Billy just arrived and hasn't seen Dad for two weeks. Bobby is there most of the time. Billy bounds into the house with enthusiasm and can't wait to play 'guns' with Bobby. Bobby has been waiting for what seemed to be hours for Billy to finally get there.

Dad ruffles Billy's hair, gives him a big hug, asks him how he's doing in his new school. Billy grins and brags about his new friends. He relates a grand story of the football game he and his friends won on the playground. Not to be outdone Bobby, eagerly waiting for Billy to finish talking so they can play, loves it and relays his own equally magnificent playground story.

Dad replies, "Bobby, I want to talk to Billy...I haven't seen him for two weeks."...effectively silencing Bobby. The light and excitement in Bobby's eyes dims, for just a moment. A few moments pass and both Bobby and Billy bound off to play guns.

Mom watched the whole thing. She's recognized the hurt she saw play across her son's face. She knows every muscle in that sweet face. SHE is Mother Bear... Right now, Dad is on the hot seat and doesn't even know it. Mom, is tapping her toe...waiting for the boys to clear the room so she can let Dad know what she thinks of his insensitivity...and his obviously imbalanced love for the boys. "Did you see Bobby's hurt? Do you know what you just did? Are you that insensitive?", she asks, growing more and more enraged at the dog house thoughts chasing through her head.

Blended family dynamics are flying like rockets now. Dad has just had an earful and is frustrated with his wife. He just wants to enjoy his son's visit and can't understand how she could come to such a silly conclusion. "Can't we ever have peace around here?" Her reaction seems to him to be a little dramatic, and more than a little 'mama's little boy' ish.. Dog house thoughts are now chasing through his brain and he's had about enough.

Mom is hurt and worried that tomorrow might be worse than today and her new husband will NEVER love her children the way he adores his. Will the light in her son's eyes eventually go out permanently? She fears. It's a standoff.

Message to Mom: Mom, it's okay to be worried and fear what you fear. But in your fear, don't place expectations on your husband that he will be able to read the muscles on your son's face, or love your son the way you do. He doesn't know how those face muscles work yet. He doesn't have the heart for your son that God gave you. He hasn't changed those diapers or wiped those tears. He's never been trained to be a step father. Don't be jealous of his love for his son, God gave him that heart. Do...talk to Dad and tell him what just happened and what he missed. Tell him about the light you saw go out of your son's eyes and your concern (without anger). Pray with him that God would give him wisdom, eyes that see and ears that hear what he needs to see and hear to nurture your son, too. Pray for your marriage, and for each other's grace. We all fall short of the glory of God.

Message to Dad: It's normal and natural for you to be so excited about your son's appearance. Who wouldn't be? You've missed him, and God gave you a special love for your son. In your excitement, be diligent about watching and noticing what is going on around you and how your natural excitement might be affecting others. Especially be careful with those who are too young to be emotionally equipped to understand, and might be inclined to view your actions in a simple no nonsense childlike way, "Wow...he really loves Billy, and wants me out of the room". Reassure those around you of your love for them, while beaming with joy for the presence of your son. Demonstrating playground victory 'pride' for both boys will help to bond them together as brothers. Reassure your wife that you will do all you can not to ever knock the light out of her child's eyes, again. Praise her for bringing the issue to your attention. Pray that God would give your wife peace through her fears. Pray that God would give her eyes that see and ears that hear what you and your son need, as she seeks to nurture and love you. Pray that you both would grow to love all completely and fully.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Spiritual Standoff--Never Dote on the Failures of Others...

2010-09-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

"The man who chooses to live a significant life
is not going to take his cues from the religiously indifferent.
Nor will he conform to the crowd
Nor mouth his prejudices
nor dote on the failures of others."

Considering Psalm One - Brandt/Corita Psalms/Now
©1973 Concordia Publishing House

Doting on the failures of others seems to have become a national pastime. It is the thing to do, for politicians. It is the way to get ahead, in some corporate circles. It is the way to gain more, in family court. It's no wonder we all engage it. It has become such a sport, that we don't even realize we're doing it when we do it. In fact, using another's weaknesses to wound seems to be a mighty weapon in our arsenal. You know you're indulging in the 'dote' when you and your husband go to dinner and the two of you spend the entire romantic evening ripping the ex(es) to pieces. A Lost in Space-like Robot should be screaming 'Danger, Danger Will Robinson!' through the romantic low key music overhead.

The words of your mouth are only an indication of the state of your heart.

"Matthew 15:18-20 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man."

Does it really feel better to hate? Does it really feel better to spew bitterness? Just a little exaggeration, is still false witness, and while we think we feel better in the spewing...it's actually eating us alive.

Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

The good news is this. God can take away that bitterness. Doting on the failures of others or the failures of the past is an outflow symptom of bitterness. Bitterness robs you of joy, it robs you of a sweet life. It steals and takes over your thought life, and then over runs your physical and spiritual life. God knows and understands this, which is why He so often encourages us to be rid of our anger and bitterness. Give it to Him. If your Ex has harmed you in any way...God WILL take care of him/her. Nothing gets by God, and He is much more efficient in the 'dealing with it' than you and I could ever be. Hand your anger to Him...and go live the good life designed for you and your strengths, the life God intended.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

The Possible Standoff--For A Step Parent

2010-09-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

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"The foremost is, 'Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' "The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (NAS, Mark 12:28-31)

The hated step parent. So you're in a blended family. Your spouse's ex, has told your wife/husband that his/her children will only come to Mom's/Dad's house IF she/he gets rid of the new husband/wife. "The kids don't like him/her." ... Or a scenario similar to this. On and on the idea is promoted that your new blended family is a mess. The seemingly innocent ex says, "The kids just hate going to your house, and I am not going to make them."

The children, as a result of listening to and respecting their parent...have decided the new step parent isn't worthy of their respect. The dance begins.

The new step parent is in a quandary. His/her new step children seem to hate him/her. They don't listen to him/her. They go out of their way, in loyalty to Dad/Mom, to convey it. The kids glare at him/her, and look for any small fault to justify their position, and dutifully report these infractions back to the ex. Basic love and respect seem unattainable for this step parent. What does one do? What one would like to do is serve tit for tat, and respond in kind. That is what our human nature would desire. But that will only give credibility to the ex's rhetoric, and will never give you the relationship dynamic you desire.

The irony in all of this is that both the child and the new step parent desire one thing, to be loved. To be loved, even, by each other. So while they push away out of hurt, confusion, and distorted truths...they most often still long for the love of the other. Children often are looking very closely for signs of that love. Step parents are too. Children fear the lack of love from a 'step parent', and step parents fear the lack of love from a step child. It doesn't feel unconditional on either side, and they've already suffered loss and break of family. They don't want to go there again. Children fear the unconditional love from a step parent just won't happen. Step parents fear that the unconditional love from a step child just won't happen. Our fears make us do inumerable 'stuck on stupid' things.

How could this step parent begin to walk through this. How could he/she develop good relationships with his/her step-children when his/her start looks like this? Is it hopeless?

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV, John 13:34-35)

Jesus called us to love, and while these step children are not your enemies...sometimes their actions seem to indicate to you that they are. They definitely don't seem to be for you at the moment. Can you love them anyway? Can you love them as your neighbor? Can you love them as Christ called you to love your neighbor. As yourself? That's a tall order, but it may be the only ingredient which can get everyone off 'stuck on stupid'.

I will recommend two things in the enemy stand off here. One, consider this: This hatred does not come from God. God is never the author of evil, and if He didn't write this chapter...who did? The one who came to kill and destroy the light of God in you and in your family, that's who.

It's easy for us to love those who love us. The challenge comes in loving those who don't.

"There is a saying, 'Love your friends and hate your enemies.' But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (TLB, Matthew 5:43-48)

Are you up to the challenge? I think so. If it is difficult to think of your stepchildren as yours right now...think of them as you would if you were a teacher or a coach, and they were in your charge. The more you love, the more that relationship will move toward good.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

The Standoff--When Times are Tough...Faith & Persistence

2010-09-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

The Standoff -- When Times Are Tough And Persistence

There are times in life when things look confusing. It’s those times of uncertainty that we wonder whether or not God is really on the throne. Can He really take what's broken in our family and work it toward good? Does He really mean it when He says all things work toward good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes? (Romans 8:28) Will He really hear my prayers today? Can any or all of this really work itself toward good?

This is the first step in your stand off … FAITH… What Jesus said was true:

Luke 11: 1-10 NIV

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples."

He said to them, "When you pray, say:

"Father, hallowed by your name,
your kingdom come,
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.'"

Then He said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'

Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

EVERYONE who asks, receives. So right now, begin storming Heaven for your family. Ask God….seek….knock….with persistence. Pray for your loved ones and pray for the softened hearts of your enemies. Pray for God to reign. Right now, even though you may not understand what God’s purposes are for all that you see around you….He IS working all toward good. Ask Him for eyes that see and ears that hear….Him. Notice one thing...He didn't say 'some' things will work toward good. He said, "ALL".

For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened…

God's Rescue....and the Enemy Showdown...

2010-09-13T06:16:00.001-07:00

Do you feel like you are in a fight for your life and the lives of your children in your blended family? Satan uses harsh weapons against our families. Disillusionment, distress, bitterness, arrogance, jealousy and fear often rear their ugly heads, just when you think your making solid headway toward good in your new family.

The enemy doesn't care about you, your spouse or your children. He cares about the light of God in YOU. He will do anything he can to prevent you from having a closer relationship with God and living with your light shining for Christ. Harmony and peace in your family may often seem unattainable. That is a LIE of the enemy. He wants you to be discouraged. He wants you to lose hope. He wants you to feel unworthy of the love of God. Don't you let him. This can be nothing short of a showdown, the enemy showdown. Our families offer the enemy more footholds. More areas he can sink his teeth into, but God is bigger than the boogieman. God plus your family are a MAJORITY.

While you may think you are knee deep in a quagmire right now...with no seemingly good way to turn. Worried that your children won't come out of this well, or that your relationships with them will change or not mature. You may worry about the damage done, post divorce...to all those around you. You may be worrying about your financial position, your court position, the ability of your ex to hurt you. You may be worrying about where to live, how to successfully blend children who may not hold in high regard their step parent or step siblings. You may also be battling a very busy schedule with kids in different school districts, making great organization and the simple life a thing of the past. Which way can you step? Which way can you turn...without stepping wrong?

I guarantee you...God has a plan for your rescue! The next few posts will walk with you through the step family battle, exploring the one thing that can flush out, uncover, and disarm whatever is blocking your path. That weapon? God's truth. Take up your sword and shield and follow Him. This is war...God wins every time.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Treasure from the past...

2010-09-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

I uncovered a small book the other day as I went through the boxes in my basement. Going through my basement is nothing short of an archaeological expedition. This book was a book I hadn't seen in over thirty years. A small treasure...but let me back up a bit so I can tell its story.

When I was a Senior in High School, my Step-Father took his life. A single gun shot to the head. It was a devastating time for my family and perhaps the first time I'd ever experienced severe, gut wrenching, life changing loss. My parents were divorced when I was quite young, so I was acquainted with loss...but not the kind of loss that hit like that.

When I look back on that time, I stand in awe at the evidence I see, of God's hand on me through the storm. It's always easier to see God's hand in your life when you look back. I lost this...but oh remember, God provided that. His provisions become our life anchors when we look back and remember them. They help us know with certainty...that God won't leave us or forsake us tomorrow. He will never drop us. He always keeps His promises.

Thirty some years ago, God reached down to protect and hold a young girl who had only a vague idea of who He was. He provided Christian education through circumstances and loving parents. And through that, a built in family...a body of believers. He shored me up with a network of support. He provided others in my life, too, who nurtured when my Mother could hardly stand. Through His love, He drew me to Him and gave me the key to life... hope, faith, and love,...for the rest of my life. HIM.

The book was given to me by my Senior Class, and signed by my English teacher. She was a great teacher, though we thought her strict. With a smile I can say she was ruthless with term papers. She was also, a caring woman of God. She did more than teach. She came along side me and asked if I was okay, daily. She invited me to talk. She gave wise counsel. She listened.

I didn't pay too much attention to the inscription in the book at the time, though I was very grateful for the loving gift and the love and support she and others extended to me. I have to confess to being so focused on death that I just didn't 'see' light or life. The first days or weeks after my step father's death passed in a traumatic fog. Reading the inscription last night was so encouraging...and to me, another piece of evidence that God is always with me. No doubt about it.

This is what is written inside the cover of my book, in that sweet sweeping term paper grading cursive:

Whether His course for me points to the mountaintops of glorious ecstasy or to the valleys of human suffering, He is by my side, He is ever present with me. Psalm 23

Aloha ke Akua (Hawaiian for 'God is Love')
The Senior Class

God had me covered...

I wonder how many prayed for me, when I had no idea?

I wonder how many cared for me, when I had no idea?

I wonder how many God could touch through me if I prayed and cared for those around me like that? How many lives would be different tomorrow if God worked through me...

I wonder if you know what God is quietly doing in your life, no matter what your circumstances are?

I wonder how many God could touch through you...for tomorrow?

A step-child? A husband? A neighbor? A friend? Someone you pass in the hall every day.

I thank God for the people who loved Him when I didn't know how. I thank God for His loving provision. Dan had a great quote on his Facebook page yesterday, "No one thinks of the pen while reading a letter." M. Teresa. We are God's instruments...God is writing His love letter to the world and we are just His little pencils.

My English teacher has since passed away...and I am finally taking the time to look at her gift. How ironic that her loving kindness will touch me again. I wonder if she knew she'd affect my life through Christ...after she was gone?

Aloha ke Akua
Rebecca

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Survival Tips for Women in Blended Families

2010-09-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

Survival Tips for Women in Blended Families:

1st- Give your mind a place of rest every day. Choose a time of day that is best for you. A time when your energy is not depleted and there are no interruptions. Find a quiet place for just you, and bring your Bible. There is no better guide through your trials, than God. Through His Word, He will lay the stones in the path of your life perfectly.

Sometimes, God can speak to you through one verse for the entire day, should that be all you have a moment for. Sometimes, you will find God taking you on a great Bible journey, complete with one awesome and comforting discovery and 'God hug' after another. (Chapters and books at a time.) If you don't know where to start....I recommend the book of James. It was one of my favorites when my husband and I struggled through the trials of blending a family the most. It still is...as a matter of fact. You see, you will notice as you go along, that God will be helping you, specifically...live. I was amazed at the way He guided me, held me up, and encouraged me…through the pages of His Word. It became for me the best ‘how to’ book in the world.

As you read, keep a journal close. Anytime something strikes you, scripture wise, write the verse down. These will be small 'God notes'. You might also like to jot down some of your own thoughts...or make note of an event. Don’t forget to date your notes as you will be amazed when you read them all together at the end of a week.

After spending time in God’s word, ask yourself the question, "What did God want me to hear today?' Perhaps you won’t know right away, but don’t be surprised if the verse you read in the morning is the same verse you might hear in your car later as you listen to Christian Radio, or the verse a friend mentions later in a phone conversation. It isn’t a coincidence. For me, I found myself smiling…almost laughing when I started paying attention to what God wanted me to hear. Apparently I wasn't always listening and God would frequently repeat in the afternoon, what I'd read in the morning. Coincidence? I don't believe so. When I paid attention, He was everywhere…and His message for me didn’t waver.

Remember, some days you might only read one verse. That's okay.

2nd. When things look hopeless, divorce and/or break up are not an option. Often, particularly if you’ve come into your blended family through the pain of divorce, it is so tempting to want to ‘flee’ from the pain. From this day forward do not allow your mind to go there. Anytime you start to think along those lines...STOP the thoughts. This includes thoughts that perhaps you made a mistake by marrying your husband. You didn't.

Consider this: Satan wants to take your family out. He doesn't care about you, or your husband or your children...As our friend Dan Erickson (People Matter Ministries) often says, 'Satan doesn't care about you, he cares about the light of God IN YOU.' This is what we need to protect! Entering into a blended family is tough...but I’m certain if you are reading this, I don’t have to tell you that. It takes faith in a Father who is phenomenally greater than man.

The footholds for satan are more numerous in a blended family, so...the volume is turned up in almost every relationship hurt situation. YOU CAN DO THIS because HE who is with you is greater than he who is in the world.

3rd. Any and every time you start feeling anger, upset or discontent with your husband...I want you to say a prayer for him. Pray that God would give him eyes that see and ears that hear God’s will. Pray for his strength. Pray for his heart. Also, I want you to say a quick prayer for yourself as well, pray for peace and patience in the storm... God will answer....

4th. Since, as Christians we know that ‘God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.’ (Rom. 8:28)…Think about what that means and remember it. Hold onto that verse like a life anchor. God has never lied. Never. So...as you rest in God's arms with that verse...I want you to open your eyes, ears and heart and look for what it is that God is giving you, by virtue of your trials. How is He transforming you? How is He shaping you, your husband and your children (step-children) for good? Remember, God said ALL things will be worked together for good....He did not say SOME things.

5th...Assuming you may have step-children, and their Mom is alive, I would like for you to pray that God would give you a heart for her. An understanding of her...if nothing else. Pray for HER. If you have an ex-husband, pray for him as well. If your children have a step-mother, pray for her. If they have a step-father, pray for him.

'For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.' James 2:13

Through His loving Grace and Mercy,
Rebecca

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

The Fire of God Today

2010-09-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

The book I am currently reading is; ‘Mother Teresa, A complete Authorized Biography’ by Kathryn Spink. I picked it up because I don't know much about M. Teresa, but have admired her walk and have been encouraged by many of her quotes and sayings. I picked it up because The Bonded Family is, I believe, God's call for my husband and I to encourage those in Blended Families to keep their eyes on God. God, and nothing else, can heal what has been broken. He doesn't exclude those whose lives have fallen apart. I knew M.Teresa's call was to the hurting. I remember once reading in the paper that she asked someone on a plane for the apple they were obviously not going to eat. She wanted to give it to someone hungry on the streets. It seemed that everything she did was with a mind to serve and love. I wondered, what her thoughts were when she set out on that mission? I was surprised to read that after she began such a good work, the evil one tempted her to go back to safety. I could relate to that.

Just as The Bonded Family began to minister to those crying out in a good and solid way...my husband and I began to panic and question whether we should continue. The economy was diving, our finances were difficult, and it just plain looked scarey... even though we'd learned to depend solely on God's direction in our lives. The enemy seemed to have equal desire to take us out. When our eyes went to our circumstances and off of God, we panicked even more. Did M. Teresa panic?

I read this weekend what M. Teresa thought concerning her direction. She would have never referred to ‘her ministry’ because she emphatically called it God’s, not hers. The writer tells us M. Teresa didn’t think too much about her past. In her mind it was almost as nothing, considering her decision to completely dedicate her life to Christ, this day. Her focus was COMPLETELY on where God wanted her TODAY.

“Mother Teresa lived very much in the immediate moment. She was far too occupied with the present to be unduly concerned about the past.” P. 35

“…the capacity to radiate God’s love was dependent first on a personal interior contact with the fire of God’s love.” P. 25

She was teased by the other sisters for her emphatic prayer life. Apparently she prayed all the time, in order to refuel the fire of God in her spirit. She strived to continually stay connected strongly in Spirit to Jesus. It was her fuel and lifeline.

I found it interesting that when she requested permission to do what she believed God had emphatically called her to do, the church threw up tremendous political barricades. The priest over her spiritual counselor (priest) was concerned that M. Teresa wanted to go out into the streets, outside the shelter & protection of an organized mission(building, people, etc.) M. Teresa wanted to go OUT to the people, not wait for them to come in to the church. It was dangerous, and the one to whom she appealed for permission was worried about bad repercussions and bad press, should she get hurt or fail, etc. Mother Teresa persisted in her request…over and over again. M. Teresa was definitely relentless when she got it in her head that God wanted her to act on something. Obedient to authority but RELENTLESS. It reminded me of the story Jesus taught about the one who persisted in asking for something…

I digress… So finally, she was given permission and she went out. SOON after her start I read this about her thoughts, “Then the comfort of Loredo (the place, building, food, shelter, sisters and comforts she’d left) came to tempt me. “You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again.”

So, even M. Teresa was discouraged when she first began to step out for God's mission, and satan tempted her to stop….with memories of her ‘previous security’.

Just some thoughts this morning. When you've asked God to give you direction. When you believe you are where He wants you to be...don't panic. Ask Him to confirm that you are where He wants you to be. When you receive His confirmation, know your life and direction are not a mistake. Your husband or wife is not a mistake, no matter what you see. If you are where God has called you to be...stay there. Don't panic. Instead, pray hard and stay spiritually connected to the Fire of God Today in prayer and through His word. Let Him fuel your spirit and give you hope.

God Bless you Today...
Rebecca

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Lucy Analyzes Charlie Brown

2010-04-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

Often, in a blended family or post divorce situation...we might find ourselves being profiled in a way that isn't who we really are at all. Perhaps your ex-husband or your ex-wife might be consistently promoting the idea to you, your friends, your family and to your children, that you are this or that...when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Truth, is often difficult to discern when mistruth, exaggeration, and innuendo become part of day to day living. After awhile, it is not surprising that perhaps your own understanding of who you are may be in question... Are you going crazy? Like Charlie Brown, we might begin to think we're going crazy. Lucy had her own 'diagnosis' for Charlie. While Charlie knew it was 'off' as soon as she launched into her list, he still began to question himself. Lucy's 'truths' were having an impact on him.

Virginia, an intelligent and kind Mom, found herself under attack from her ex-husband and his new wife. After spending several weekends at Dad's house, her children would return to her home with a list of what they considered to be her faults. From accusations that they simply didn't eat right, as evidenced, Dad claimed, by their occasional visits to McDonalds, to accusations that she simply 'tended to lie'..."Dad said so." or couldn't keep house, or didn't do the laundry well enough, etc. Week after week Virginia would hear more distorted 'truths' about herself, through the mouths of her children. What was worse, she could see that the kids were beginning to believe the lies. The 'profiling' distorted their perspective of who she really was, and Dad's 'truths' became the filter through which they viewed and perceived her. His truths were becoming theirs. Motivation for Dad could be as simple as beliving that to make her 'less'...he would be 'more' in the eyes of the kids, perhaps he feared the loss of their love and allegiance.

This is a very sad state of affairs, particularly for the children. For children, this upsets their security. In an intact family children look to their parents for guidance in truth. In the type of family described above, children don't know who to turn to for 'guidance'. They learn quickly that 'Truth' from one side is not the same as 'truth' from the other, and children find themselves in the unfortunate position of having to make important decisions about life and truth on their own.

If you are facing this in your own family, there are some things which might be of benefit to you as you navigate this.

First and foremost...as we mentioned in our last post, God is a God of truth. His truth is perfect and forever. His teaching is perfect and forever. Teach your children HIS ways and this will help them to have good life discernment. Of course this doesn't mean you would use the word of God to 'bash' the other house. God knows all and sees all, and He is still on the throne and in control. It is my absolute belief that 'truth' always surfaces, and people....eventually...give themselves away. Staying in His Word and Spirit...being continually reminded of the strengh and power of God, should do much to allay your own fears. Prayer is Powerful...Cry out to God and ask for His help in all of this. He will listen and He can correct, much more efficiently, what is going wrong.

Secondly, there is a Psychological term, called 'Gaslighting' which you might have an interest in reading about. Gaslighting is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception. In Blended Families, 'Gaslighting' may be used to distort not only your perception of yourself, but your children's or others perceptions of who you are. I recommend you study the definition and read a little bit about it. If you find you are the victim of 'Gaslighting', there seems to be much information available as to how to counter it. If you see yourself in this as a Gaslighter, it is never too late to stop and turn. We seem to live in a Gaslighting culture, so it is not a surprise that this form of intimidation and falsehood or abuse rears its ugly head in our family relationships. How many political campaigns are entrenched in 'Gaslighting'?

Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray that you would give all parents out there eyes to see and ears to hear Your truths. I pray for wisdom as we parent. I pray that you would guard the hearts and lives of our children, our exes, their new wife/husband, and all who are involved in raising our children. Give us a love for each other Lord, so that our fears and insecurities would be turned away. Give us a desire to lift each other up with soft hearts...not hardened and calloused hearts. In Your name I pray, Amen.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved

Never jump into a pile of weeds with a wet sucker!

2010-04-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, as we face the challenge of blending our families...we're left discouraged. Broken promises, unfulfilled expectations, and just plain dirty tricks from what we might consider to be the opposing side might creep in and infiltrate our otherwise happy home. Perhaps a husband or wife is expected to pay child support...but is refused time with his or her children from Mom or Dad, for one silly reason after another....time after time. Promises are made, "That won't happen again Judge, I've learned my lesson." or "...that was the past Judge...I've changed." and court orders broken...over and over again.

If one felt the impact and loss from this repeatedly, how easy would it be for one to begin to believe that 'cheating the system' is the way to go? After all....the one who is doing it often seems to be gaining through it. Right?

While we might be able to fool a judge, skirt a court order, or simply blatantly 'lie' about this or that in order that we might gain ground or position for ourselves in the eyes of man...we never gain. God is STILL on the throne, His commandments are STILL in effect.... Bearing false witness against our neighbor in order to convince others that 'we' are the good one and 'they' are the bad in order to justify our 'trick'....is still a sin, and GOD doesn't miss a thing. Nothing gets by Him.

In Luke 8:17 Jesus said, "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open."

God's eyes...not man's....should drive all of our actions. He promises that when your eyes are on Him and you love Him, He will not let you fall.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare...

Prayer: I pray that you would guard my heart Lord, my heart and my words...I pray that my words and actions would honor You , above all. I pray, that where I have fallen short in this...you would forgive me. For I have read your words, "For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matt 12:37) Thank you Lord, for your promise of protection to all who love You, even when what we see before us looks as though it will never come out well. Amen

Love and Hope When Hope Seems Absent...

2010-04-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
Psalm 71:5

A friend of mine told me a sad story about her Grandparents one day. She said, "When they were in their eighties my Grandparents just seemed to tolerate each other...nothing more, nothing less". She went on to ask, "Is that how love ends up? We just 'tolerate' each other in the end? All hope of love and respect, gone?" She finished by telling me that her Grandparents had such lack of regard for each other toward the end of their lives together, that her Grandfather, after shopping one day, boarded the Assisted Living bus for home...and allowed the bus to leave without bothering to tell anyone that Grandma was still shopping. Intentionally.

Love:

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?”
Matt 18:12

What causes us to abandon hope in our relationships, in love, in people? It would seem our world is so full of reasons to lose hope. How do we light or relight that fire of hope in our lives? In each other?

Dr. Karl Menninger, a highly regarded secular psychiatrist said,“I would see in ‘hope’ another aspect of the life instinct, the creative drive which wars against dissolution and destructiveness.”

Dr. Gary Collins, Christian Psychologist said,“When people lose ‘hope’ in their country, in their fellow human being, and in themselves, they begin to fall apart psychologically and sometimes spiritually.”

Austrian psychiatrist Victor Franckl, imprisoned by the Nazis in Europe paid attention to and made note of those who survived the camps and who didn’t. He identified ‘hope’ as the ingredient which, when missing, produced ‘a deadly effect on man’. He believed that when people no longer have a motive for living, no future to look toward, they often give up and die.

It would be easy to let hope slide in our lives, but it is so important to nurture it and intentionally look for it. Often, when the hope in our lives looks bleak, it is because our eyes are set and fixed on ourselves our losses and our fears, not on what is really good in our lives or our concern for others, or for the plan of our Father in Heaven. When and if you lose hope in your spouse, in mankind in general, or in the world….remember…in His perfection, God is Hope and Love...He is INCAPABLE of failure, so all His promises are true and forever. If you cannot find your way to hope in the people around you...look for God's promises and hold on to them. Eventually, if you look long and hard enough you will feel HIS hope and HIS strength and His protection. His promises will become a seed of hope in you. That hope will then give life, and hope to those around you. The desire to abandon becomes a desire to love. When you can hope in nothing else...you have only to knock on God's door, He keeps His promises.

There have been many times in my life when everything looked bleak, as though there were no human way out of some situation or maze. Opportunities for those times seem more prevalent in a Blended Family. That is when I closed my eyes and whispered to the Heavenly Father...'Okay God...you don't make mistakes...this is happening for a reason...I am trusting your promise that ALL things work toward good to those who love you (Rom 8:28)... Then, I simply fell into his arms...knowing He would catch me and set my feet on a good path.

With His hope...I was free to love, without fear. Even if the love of my life might think about abandoning me at the mall.

©2010 Rebecca Snell
All Rights Reserved